Well. So, the doctor today went okay. Not as well as I'd hoped, but okay. I didn't get the results that I was hoping for or expecting on some of the tests, but the doctor keeps telling me that it was most likely the result of them using an old, and less accurate, machine to do the testing this time...compared to the brand-new, state-of-the-art, extremely accurate machine they used last time.
She told me not to worry about it at all, but of course I did. I worried about it all day until I forced myself to go to the gym and bike away while reading "Traveling Light" by Max Lucado. Have you all read it? If not, you should. Although I didn't plan it this way, the chapter that I was on while I was pedaling away was all about worry, and it was exactly what I needed to read today:
"The biblical word for worry (merimnao) is a compound of two Greek words, merizo ('to divide) and nous ('the mind'). Anxiety spills our energy between today's priorities and tomorrow's problems. Part of our mind is on the now; the rest is on the not yet. The result is half minded living...Anxiety is an expensive habit. Of course, it might be worth the cost if it worked. But it doesn't. Our frets are futile" (p. 48).
Lucado goes on to talk about the fact that God leads us, and gives timely help: "Give your entire attention to what God is doing right now, and don't get worked up about what may or may not happen tomorrow. God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes (Matt 6:34 MSG)" (p. 50). The important part is that although I may not have the tools now to deal with what happens in the future, that's OKAY. God will give me the tools and the strength as I need them. That's hard for me--I like to be prepared with spreadsheets and budgets and a plan b, or c, or even d. And while preparation is good, there is no reason that I should be losing sleep over a hypothetical event that may or may not even been occurring.
I promise, I will reveal the cryptic reason for the worry, anxiety, and doctor's visits at some point. It isn't as terrible as you probably think, I promise. In the meantime, I hope you're able to take something away from Lucado's point here...I'm trying to, and I'll keep trying to, even if I have to keep reading and re-reading Chapter 2 for the next month!