Letter to Becca: 5 months

Dear Becca,

I'm totally in denial that you are almost six months old. As far as I'm concerned, you were born yesterday. It sure does feel like it sometimes! But clearly, you weren't born yesterday. In fact, just last Wednesday, you started crawling. And then yesterday, you started this:

I had to include this last one, even though it's blurry, because it just so perfectly captured this little mischevious gleam that you get in your eye whenever you decide to try and stand. I really would like to push you over, because I'm totally not ready for this to be happening. Heck, I thought your sister was a ridiculously early mover, and she didn't even start to crawl until well after six months. So frankly, the fact that you are already crawling AND also trying to stand? Kinda terrifies me!

During the day, you are usually one of the sweetest, happiest babies I know. You love playing peek-a-boo, being tickled, and doing anything with your sister (you love her so much!). You've been babbling a ton, and even do this sort of "humming" while you're nursing. You are quick to smile and laugh, which I have to admit is a huge blessing, because it kinda off-sets the rough nights we've had around here lately. Sweet girl, you just do not sleep at night. As a general rule, you don't sleep between midnight and 5am ish. I might get a 30 minute stretch here or there, but not typically any more than that. The tough thing is that when you're up in the middle of the night, sometimes NOTHING will calm you down. Not being held/rocked/shushed/patted, etc. You just cry. For about an hour. Then I get you calm enough to sleep, and you sleep for about a half hour, and then we start the cycle all over.

It's especially rough because I'm usually the one who is up with you, and I'm not sure that your dad really understands just how sleep deprived I am right now. When you're not the one in the trenches, it can be easy to forget that sleep deprivation affects everything else and basically makes you feel like you cannot function in any aspect of life. I've felt pretty overwhelmed and maxed out for a couple weeks now, and I'm not sure how much longer I can handle not sleeping coupled with someone in our family having something scheduled every night of the week and just being go-go-go all the time. When Lizzy was a baby, I still felt like I could (mostly) keep up with our crazy busy schedule, because even if she wasn't sleeping at night, I could still sleep whenever she decided to during the day. This time around, with having a toddler, that's just not an option. Something has to give, and soon. Because I almost completely lost my cool and had a complete meltdown last night when your grandpa asked your dad to cover something for him on a Friday night later next month.  I wanted to yell NO NO NO NO NO. As far as I'm concerned, no one is allowed to do anything else. At all. I don't care how small. Because we were maxed out 25 small things ago. NO NO NO NO NO. But I digress.

So. It's been a kind of rough adjustment and couple of months for me, but somehow that roughness still doesn't even really begin to touch the sweet moments with you sweet girl--the smiles, and the giggles, and the open mouthed slobbery kisses.

Love you forever and for always, no matter what.
Mom