The Monster.

Can I just get real for a minute y'all? Like, ugly, messy, hate-to-admit-this-about-myself real? This past week, I have been battling with something that I've never really battled before--the ugly, green eyed monster.

Normally, I'm pretty good about being able to rejoice in the successes of others. I'm usually able to watch someone get, do, experience, or achieve something that I'd like for my life, but still be completely and genuinely happy for them, even though it's them and not me. But over the past week or so, something strange has been happening. I've been noticing that alongside with being happy for them, there's now also little commentary that's begun to play like a silent record in my head, planting these little seeds of jealousy...

I hope you have fun in Hawaii!
Why do they get to go on a tropical vacation and I don't?! 

I'm happy that Justin is going to get to play hardball this year--I know he really wants to.

Why does he get to go have fun playing while I'm stuck with all the responsibility for Lizzy...again?!

It sounds like you had a great time at Blissdom! How exciting!

How come she always lands the awesome blog sponsorships and gets to go to cool places like Blissdom while I don't get any attention?!

Your home is beautiful. 

 I'm so sick of seeing all these clean homes. How am I ever supposed to compete with this?!

Don't you love tax time?! It sounds like you guys are doing some fun things!

How come they get to do fun things with their tax return while we have to do irritating things like buying dirt and fixing our well?!

What a cute jacket! 

How come she gets to buy clothes any time she wants while I'm usually shopping at Goodwill?! 

You look great!

How come she seems like she loses weight while eating absolutely anything she wants while I have to count every calorie and work for every pound?! 

And these aren't even all of them. I hate it. I hate it because in most of these instances, the things that have been received, achieved, and done are things that are longed for. Deserved. I don't want to be a jealous person. I think it's ugly. But I'm having a hard time turning this little narrative off.

It's probably not a coincidence that when I went to the library yesterday, One Thousand Gifts was finally waiting for me. I certainly hope not. Because today, I need the reminder that I'm deeply and wonderfully blessed, right where I'm at.

Change my heart, oh God. 

Make it ever true. 

Change my heart, oh God.

May I be like you.

The Monday Real

-I don't really buy books anymore--we just don't have the budget for it. So, my reading typically happens from library books or review copies that I'm provided with. For the most part, it works out okay...but sometimes, it doesn't work out so well. For example, I tried to request Stephen King's 11/22/63 the other day...yeah, I gave up. There were over 100 people on the wait list for the book already. But I suppose that even if I wanted to read it, I couldn't because I feel like every single book I've been on the wait-list for in the past year has come up at the exact same time. In my "to-read" pile, I currently have:

1. Crossed by Ally Condie
2. The Forgotten Garden by Kate Morton
3. The Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern
4. Into the Wilderness by Sara Donati
5. Grace Based Parenting by Tim Kimmel

This is in addition to the three publisher reviews that I'm currently working on.

-The fact that I'd much rather curl up with a cup of coffee and one of the aforementioned books (and that Justin feels the same) is probably directly related to the fact that we have a literal mountain of dishes to do.

-I'm pretty new to the whole Bible Study thing. I grew up in the church, but actually spending any significant time studying the Bible is new to me. That said, I always find myself totally jazzed about a particular study until about half-way through when I start thinking about what I'm going to do next and then want to start it RIGHT THAT MINUTE. Right now, I'm doing Becoming A Woman of Simplicity, and I love the fellowship of the women that I meet with, but the study isn't the most relevant to me personally. Next, I'd kind of like to do Beth Moore's study on James, even if I just have to work through the darn workbook myself--I co-led the study of Esther at my church, and it just didn't seem like many people enjoyed having that level of homework.

-I could eat a MOUNTAIN of chocolate today, and also drink a pitcher of margaritas. Just sayin'.

Want to get real? Go link up with Jess! (Our other fearless host, Brittany, is moving, but I'm hoping she'll be back next week!)