The Best Whirlwind

The last few days have been a crazy, glorious, amazing, blessing of a BLUR.

After Wednesday's totally freaked out post, Justin and I went out to dinner for a belated anniversary date once he finished jury duty, as Lizzy was spending the night at my parents' house. At that point, my head was in a totally different world, and I probably wasn't the best dinner company. We came home, and I had a bit of a meltdown, and then we fell asleep watching The Big Bang Theory, which is one of our newest loves! It was kind of a sucky five year anniversary date considering that I spent a good portion of it crying (ugh), but was also probably exactly what I needed at the moment!

I woke up about midnight mumbling something about how I HAD to plug in my dead cell phone in case my sister-in-law Renee went into labor. I think Justin thought I was insane because her due date is the 26th of this month. Then after I plugged it in, I pretty much didn't sleep the whole night, worrying about the dermatologist appointment on Monday. Which is silly, because it's not like I'll actually know anything on Monday anyway. I should be worrying about two weeks from Monday...but I digress. About 4am, we got a call that Renee was at the hospital and her water broken earlier that night (!)--my other sister-in-law Kelsey was at their house with the kiddos, but that she'd probably drop them at my house in the morning if that was okay. Of course it was, and I definitely didn't sleep much after that :)

The kiddos came over to my house in the morning, and then we headed to my parents' house to pick up Lizzy, and I figured we'd just hang out there and swim until we heard something. Payton and Logan were SO excited.

My sister asked us to come visit her at work, and the kiddos were THRILLED that she got them celebratory smoothies.

 Then later, we had giant pizza slices at my favorite pizza place in the whole wide world. Seriously, I want it again right now. I may have opened Pandora's Box by going there while pregnant, because now it's the only thing I want to eat. 

After that, we went swimming. They all did great. Lizzy was jumping in to the pool of the side of the ledge (jumping to me, but me letting her go under water briefly and then come back up). Payton is usually a little hesitant swimming and likes to use floaties, but before long she had those suckers off, and was putting her face in the water and practicing swimming across the pool (she did great!). Logan also took his floaties off and practiced swimming without them. It was a ton of fun. There are few things that make me happier than swimming with kiddos. 

We swam for several hours, and then Lizzy started to get really fussy, and so we piled in the car to head home. Within probably 5 miles, all 3 were out like a light. They all slept the 40 minutes home or so. Once home, we watched a quick episode of Dora, and then got ready to head to Justin's softball game, which was conveniently located just around the corner from the hospital. I continued to try not to call and text Ryan and Renee every 5 minutes to see how things were going :)

Our friend Pam is the master tooth puller. At the game, Payton asked her to see if one of her teeth was ready. It was :) Payton was thrilled that she lost a tooth the same day as she was gaining a little sister. Just in the last few minutes of the softball game (about 8:00pm) we got a call that their sweet baby sister had been born. Justin was still playing, but the kiddos were so excited I thought they might cry, so we made a plan for me to take the kids to the hospital right then, and Justin would meet us there after the game. 

{I wish I could toss up some "real" photos on here, but I have forgotten my camera card at home no less than 4 times in the last couple of weeks, and I'm just not taking any chances on that today!}

And we got to meet their beautiful "little" sister, who weighed 9 pounds 2oz, even two weeks early!!! As of last night, they hadn't quite picked a name, but I can't wait to see what they come up with! We didn't stay too long because it was late and Renee had been in labor for like 20 hours, and I'm sure she could not WAIT to get some sleep! Payton cried big time when we left, because she wanted to stay with her sister forever. It was the sweetest thing ever. 

We promised to come back in the morning when they wake up (you better believe we will, because I need to take 1,000,000 more photos, and I haven't actually held and snuggled her yet!)  It has been an awesomely exhausting couple of days. And you know what? I am so thankful for every minute of it, because not only has it been so much fun, but it has also left me nary a minute to dwell or stress about that stinking mole the dermatologist is removing on Monday. And that's a pretty amazing blessing in and of itself. But to not think of it because of a new little niece who has all of our hearts? Even better. And to think that in like FOUR MONTHS it'll be me having another little one? Amazing. 

The best whirlwind of all.

Blessed & Thankful

 

That's right--if all goes well, Lizzy's going to be a big sister on or around November 15, 2012! This means that according to my ultrasound yesterday, I'm now 8 weeks, 1 day pregnant.

If I'm totally honest, I'm still not super comfortable posting this today--it's a little early for my preference! I know it's crazy, but we waited to tell the world until I was 12 weeks with Lizzy, and telling earlier kind of makes me feel like I'm jinxing things. But Lizzy came with us to the first appointment yesterday, and she'll tell every random person we come across, so I figured I might as well take the leap of faith and share with you all as well. Besides, I would absolutely love your prayers!

I've been writing little snippets for the past couple of months. Even though it'll make this post a little long, I figured I'll include them here just for my own record-keeping. You are totally free to skip over them if you wish, but I do think they'll probably answer a lot of potential questions. If you have more questions, feel free to hit the comments! Obviously, the following may contain TMI for some people...you have been warned!

2/22/12-So, on Sunday Feb 12th, I should have begun a new pack of BC pills, but didn't. And now I'm officially going crazy--with Lizzy, we never actually "tried" to conceive, so I didn't really pay too much attention to early symptoms. But this time around, I know we're trying, and right now, either I've got some CRAZY phantom symptoms going on, or I'm somehow legitimately already pregnant even though technically speaking I shouldn't have even ovulated yet. Or maybe I am ovulating, and that's what all the symptoms are? I don't know!

3/3/12- Took a pregnancy test this morning. It was negative. I wasn't charting, but my gut is that I was probably 14 dpo, so it should have been positive. But 'technically' speaking, I was only 10dpo. Am I just crazy? Or did I test too soon? There's still 5 days until AF is due, so maybe so.

3/7/12- I couldn't sleep and felt sick most of the night, so about 4 am I took another pregnancy test and was pretty surprised to see that it was POSITIVE. I finally woke Justin up about 4:30am to tell him...he said it was worth getting up that early for :) Last time, we really didn't tell anyone until I was 8 weeks, and most of our friends didn't find out until I was 12 weeks. This time, we told immediate family this morning, other than the kiddos (because once they know, EVERYONE will know). I'm glad we did, but it's also a little hard for me because we didn't do that last time...and so I kind of feel like we "jinxed" it...which I know is silly...but this 4-8 week period of pregnancy is always hardest for me. It's like 'Am I really pregnant?! How would I know if it were ectopic/molar/a missed miscarriage?'

4/4/12- I'm a little less than a week away from my first appointment (just shy of 8 weeks if you go my last cycle). I'm nervous. I have nightmares sometimes of all of us going to the doctor's office, and the sweet ultrasound tech saying, "I'm sorry, but there's no heartbeat." And then, I also find myself thinking irrationally sometimes--for example, with Lizzy I spotted heavily the whole first trimester. I haven't spotted this time at all. But instead of rejoicing in that, I find myself thinking that something must be wrong...because I'm not spotting. Which I know is silly, but I can't stop thinking it. We still haven't told Lizzy yet, and have been really cautious not to talk about it while she's around, but she still often talks about the "baby in mama's belly."

4/5/12- Naturally, after I wrote that I hadn't been spotting, I started spotting (last night). It was light pink spotting and didn't last long, but because it was accompanied by some sharp pain on one side of my abdomen, my OB wanted me to come in today for an ultrasound, to rule out ectopic pregnancy (my first appointment was originally scheduled for Monday). I'm nervous, but also thankful that they are letting me come in today instead of stewing over it all weekend. I'm trying to stay positive and remember that I bled heavily with Lizzy and she was fine. Spotting could be nothing. But it also could be something, and I'm nervous.

So. Justin, Lizzy, and I went in to the doctor yesterday, and I was so nervous! They did an ultrasound first, and saw a little wiggling baby measuring 8 weeks exactly, which is what I technically should be based on my last cycle. I really could have sworn that I was actually a week ahead of that, but I wasn't charting, so I guess I can't really say for sure. Naturally (because everything baby related makes me nervous), it made me nervous that the dates weren't lining up with what I was expecting, even though they were lining up PERFECTLY with what the doctor was expecting. I'm trying to just relax, and remember that the doctor and tech both said that they saw absolutely nothing that concerned them, so at this point I have no reason to stress.

We got to see and hear the heartbeat (162 bpm). I was expecting Lizzy to be super excited when we explained what the ultrasound was showing, but she basically looked at me like 'Duh Mom...I've been telling you that you have a baby in your belly for weeks.'  :)

They didn't really have an explanation for the spotting, just as they didn't really ever have an explanation for the spotting with Lizzy...but still, I'm praying that there are WAY fewer scary bleeding episodes this time! I'm trying not to spend the whole pregnancy in a state of fear and anxiety, but there's honestly always a part of me, however small, that doesn't really believe we'll get to take the baby home until we're actually on the way home from the hospital. So, I'm excited, but pretty nervous too...which I think is often pretty par for the course when it comes to pregnancy!

Today, I am pregnant. Today, the baby is healthy and I am so thankful. 

God is good, always. 

The Cost of the Mystery Bruise

So, I am now getting hospital bills rolling in from the whole mystery bruise/skin cancer experience in January...and it looks like our responsibility after insurance pays will be about $5,000 (we have a $5,000 deductible per person--don't get me started on that. Right before I was diagnosed, we had looked into paying for private insurance, but after doing the math, we'd end up paying about the same out of pocket with the monthly payments that would go along with a private plan that covers what we'd need, and I'm not even sure that I could find a private company that would insure me anymore).

At OHSU, they split the faculty bill and the hospital bill into two separate bills handled by (apparently) two separate offices. So now I'm trying to make payment arrangements with two separate offices and trying to explain our situation, which is that we can commit to X per month, and I understand that may or may not be what you require patients to pay, but that is all we can do.  We are budgeted to the penny--we know exactly where our money goes, and very little of it goes to "fun" or discretionary income that we can pull from. We know exactly how much we can pay each month and that is all we can do. Since Justin is in construction and his wage varies depending on the job, some months we may be able to do more, but we can't commit to that always.

Anyway, so far, I've only been able to leave voicemails that I'd like to make payment arrangements, so I've yet to talk to an actual person, but I'm dreading it. I understand that they provided a service for which they should be paid...for which we WANT to pay them....but seriously, you can't squeeze blood out of a turnip. I can commit to making a payment each month...but I'm guessing that I won't be able to commit to paying what they want me to pay (since they say in huge letters on the bill that payment in full is due within 30 days), and I'm kind of dreading that conversation.

I'm imagining that they may threaten to send us to collections if we can't pay what they want each month. I've heard different things about whether or not a hospital even can send you to collections if you're making a payment each month. I'd always heard that they couldn't send you to collections if you were paying something every month, but lately I've heard more and more stories to the contrary.

The only positive in this situation is that our ridiculous deductible has actually been met this year...which means that we could actually seriously talk about having baby #2 this year since the deductible wouldn't be an issue. Although, admittedly, there's not much of a timeline to make that happen. And I know it sounds a little crazy to be talking about having a baby in the face of all this, and I'll probably get a nasty anonymous comment saying "If you can't afford your medical bills, what makes you think you'll be able to afford another baby?!"

So to cut that off at the pass, I'd just like to say that it isn't that we can't afford the medical bills, it's just that there's a huge difference between an unexpected medical expense which the hospital expects to be paid in full within 30 days of being billed, and the extra expenses that go along with having a baby...which we'd have nine months to prepare for.

Also, it's really crazy to me that our responsibility is still $5000 even with insurance. I feel like it's a testament to the fact that something about the state of medical care in our country needs to be changed. I don't have the right answers, but I only know that it doesn't seem to be working right now.

Lizzy The Prophet

So, my sister-in-law Renee is pregnant with her third kiddo (yay! So excited to be an auntie again!). About the same time we found out that Renee was pregnant, Lizzy started talking about babies a LOT more. And some of it? Hysterical.

The other morning, I asked Lizzy if she had any dreams. Quite matter of factly, she responded, "Mama have baby. Blue hat. COMING SOON!!!"

Then tonight as we were laying her down for bed, she said, "Auntie Ney have baby in belly pink hat. Mama have baby coming soon, blue hat." I responded that we'll have to see about that, and Lizzy responded very seriously, "No mama, I see." LOL.

And since I know this will be asked, yes I'm starting to have a bit of baby fever. No, we're not currently trying because (a) I want to wait until the mystery bruise thing is dealt with and (b) our insurance through Justin's work has a $5,000 deductible PER PERSON. No, there's not an extra zero there. So, we need to do some research there about if we have the option to buy any sort of supplemental insurance.

But seriosuly, how funny would it be if Lizzy was right about this?!

Evolution of a Nursery

A few weeks ago, my brother was given a king sized bed, so he and my parents were getting rid of his twin mattress. Justin and I quickly nabbed it, and it's been sitting in our garage ever since. We'd been talking about when to transition Lizzy out of her crib, and onto a twin mattress on the floor (for now) but thought that maybe we'd wait until she actually climbed out. Also, we didn't really know where we'd store the crib in the meantime since we're working on cleaning out our garage and spare bedroom.

And then a week or so ago, Kaitlin called to ask if I knew anyone that they could borrow a crib from while they are staying here. And it was a no-brainer--we'd been trying to figure out when to transition Lizzy, and decided that it just made sense for us to move Lizzy and let them use her old crib.

So, over the weekend, we broke down her crib and hauled in the twin sized bed.

(For now, we just got her a set of sheets that she picked out, and she uses a spare comforter. 

Eventually, she'll get her own, I'm just waiting for a sale!)

The dresser went into the closet to allow for a little more play room, since it's a pretty small room to begin with.

So far, Lizzy has done remarkably well. It's also nice for me to be able to lay down in bed with her if she's having a rough day or night! I have to admit though--I don't usually get all sad and weepy about Lizzy growing up, but I *was* a little sad when we were taking down her crib! It was the first time I honestly found myself missing the newborn stage just a little bit.

Big Announcement Time

So, many of you have guessed or suspected, or wondered, and it's time to finally come clean. You may have noticed that I've been blogging about going to the doctor's an awful lot lately. You may have noticed that I've been a little more onry than usual. And you have probably noticed a lot of blogging about being tired. You may have also mentioned a distinct lack of "Wanting Babies" posts lately. WELL.

I'm pregnant.

I found out the day before Mother's Day, and just got back from the doctor today, and my gestational age is 12 weeks, 4 days, but I've been consistently measuring ahead, and today I was at 13 weeks, 3 days. This pregnancy has not been without many, many complications, and so we are incredibly blessed to know that for once, everything looked absolutely perfect. Well, except the baby wouldn't cooperate with the measurments that the ultrasound tech wanted, so I'll have to go back later this week. We've got a stubborn one on our hands!

Weekend Update (w/ Photos)

Despite having a killer headache all weekend, it was a GOOD weekend. The weekend started off with us discovering that J had received a whole dollar raise, which is hopefully a sign that the plumbing business is picking back up again (no one received raises for almost a year when the economy was tanking). Then, later Friday night I headed off to a bachelorette party for my sister-in-law Karla, who will be getting married August 1st of this year. Thankfully, it wasn't your typical bachelorette party, but was a progressive dinner instead, which rocked the house.

Saturday evening we headed up to Portland to meet up with Sara, Byron, and Carolina. It was totally worth the drive to see them all. Caro wasn't too sure what she thought about us at first...

Her mamma calls her Ms. Drama Pants...I think we looked at her wrong to produce this tear fest.But eventually Caro and I came to an understanding. Here's Sara, making a totally Sara face.

When we got back home, we stopped to get the mail and were excited to see that J had received his letter of acceptance to the list for the plumbing apprenticeship program. Have I explained what a mess that whole situation is? Well, it's a huge mess...basically the plumbers are ranked onto a list. Any time a plumbing company needs an apprentice, they have to pick from the top 3 on the list. If they don't like the Top 3, they have to wait until the list changes. So, it's possible that J could end up working for a totally different company than he's been working for over the past 3 years. We hope not...we like the company that he works for. Anyway, we were expecting him to score pretty low on the list since he didn't take welding or anything like that in school, but he actually is number 7! Go J!

On another note, after seeing the above pictures, I'm becoming more and more convinced that a) I need a tan, and b) it's time to go in and see what they can do to my dang hair...it is just scraggly and gross right now! Next weekend will be a BUSY weekend (J's younger sister graduates from high school this week), so I'm not sure when and if I'll be able to fit that in, but I NEED to!

I'm boring.

Folks, I'm boring. I really have nothing new to report other than:

-I must really not like Persuasion, because I've been finishing up all the other half-finished books in leiu of that one.

-I took a day off from the gym today.

-I'm excited about Biggest Loser tonight (I'm rooting for Tara and Mike).

-Yes, I still have baby fever like no one's business.

Babies!

One of my friends and I frequently chat about our lives and our faith. Just last week, I was telling her that I have been having baby fever for quite some time that just doesn't seem to go away. She commented that maybe it isn't so much "baby fever" as it is God telling me that it's okay to think about having kids. I told her that I'm just having a hard time because things don't add up on paper--I worry about how we'll be able to pay the bills. She encouraged me that God will provide all that I need (maybe not all that I WANT, but all that I NEED).

We talked a bit about Psalms 145: 14-16, which says, "The Lord helps the fallen and lifts those bent beneath their loads. The eyes of all look to you in hope; you give them their food as they need it. When you open your hand, you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing" (NLT).

She and I then talked about how presumptuous we are that we often think that as soon as we go off birth control pills, we'll get pregnant. We aren't the ones in control here--for the most part, we can't just say, 'I will conceive on March 31st, 2009.' In fact, my friend and her husband have been trying for some time to conceive and haven't been successful. She gave me some good things to think and pray about, and I've been thinking about this more and more lately, and I think I'm slowly moving in the direction of feeling like I might be as ready as I'll ever be to have children.

And today, my friend told me that she found out on Tuesday that she's pregnant!!!

Parenting...

One of the odd things about my job is that it often requires giving parenting instruction and advice to foster parents and biological parents. Specifically, it often includes modeling discipline and redirection. Sometimes I feel like a total sham doing this...who am I, someone who doesn't even have kids yet, to be giving parenting advice? But you also have to keep in mind that with some of the folks we're working with, common sense approaches like giving a time out aren't always obvious. Anyway, while some of the techniques used by child welfare to teach about parenting are a little hippy-esque, I DO feel blessed to be learning so much about parenting before actually having kids. For example, I learned yesterday that with children under five, the praise to criticize ratio should be 20:1! The parenting instructor advocates accomplishing this by "positive re-direction". So instead of, "Stop jumping on the couch right now or you'll all get time outs!" you'd say, "Feet on floor, bottom on couch, right now."

They don't advocate threatening time outs (which is something I'm totally guilty of even with the nieces and nephew), but rather creating the expectation with kids that they follow instructions the first time, every time, or they receive a time out. For the first couple of weeks, that means a LOT of time outs, but most of the kids quickly learn to follow instructions the first time.

Another thing that they try to implement with kids under 8 who have really bad behaviors (but I think that this could be modified for any kid), is something called Parent-Child Interaction Therapy. This therapy is a concentrated way to implement the two above ideas--positive reinforcement, and following instructions the first time. PCIT is a focused five minutes a day that a parent spends with an individual child. During that time, the parent and child do some activity together like drawing or playing with building blocks. The parent focuses on praising the child's positive behaviors as much as possible, PARTICULARLY when the child follows instructions the first time, and completely ignoring any negative behaviors unless they're destructive, or dangerous. If the child's behaviors become destructive or dangerous, then the "special time" ends immediately and the child is placed in time out. If the child makes it through the session, at the end of the session, the parent reinforces with the child that they expect the child to follow instructions the first time, and gives the child a specific example that they'll be expected to follow for the day (i.e. "Today, when I ask you to get on your shoes, it's my expectation that you will put on your shoes the first time I ask.") Parents continue to add another task every day (so the next day would be shoes AND something else) for about a week before the expectation becomes "Today, I expect that you will listen to and follow mommy's instructions the first time."

Now keep in mind that the kids that we're working with in the above scenarios have REALLY hard behavioral stuff going on--many of them have PTSD diagnoses, or Oppositional Defiant Disorder. So while some of this seems more praise focused than discipline focused, that's partially because some of these children really didn't ever receive praise growing up (and did receive horrific discipline), so it's essential that they receive focused and intentional praise now in order to build up their self-esteem and enforce their positive behaviors. But I think the 20:1 rule is a great thing to keep in mind for ANY parent--especially with kids under 5, you really can't praise them enough!

So anyway, I hope this didn't come off as presumpuous--the "non-parent giving parenting advice that isn't at all practical in real life." I just thought that I'd share some of the things that I've learned so far...it will be interesting to see whether or not J and I are actually able to implement some of these things when WE have kids.

Baby Love

Folks, I've got some serious baby fever. I'm used to having baby fever for a couple of days...MAYBE a week, and then it's gone. But this particular run of baby fever just won't quit....I had it three weeks ago at Bible study when I was holding one of the sweet newborns, and it seriously hasn't gone away. Really, if I thought that J's work would continue to have insurance, I'd probably be dunzo...that, and figuring out how the HECK we'd pay our mortgage are the only things bringing me back to sanity. Then again, if I were to listen to what Emerson says, I just need to instill in J that I respect that he will provide for any future family we have, because that's what he's driven to do.

I don't know. I DO know that I'm freaking exhausted. I was almost falling asleep at Bible study last night, came home, went to bed, and I'm STILL exhausted. I have to go to court this morning (boo), and then I'm thinking my lunch break may be spent napping in the car. I am excited about dinner tonight with Stump and Kelsey....if only I can stay awake!

Just Another Manic Monday

Wooooaaaahhhh oh Woaaaaaahhhhh.

-1 I learned a new knitting stitch. It's called horizontal herringbone. I'm making a scarf for my momma out of it right now, and I have to say, my yarn (purple, blues, and teal) is much prettier. I just must figure out how to do a border on the next one, since the edges are a little uneven for my liking. Anyway, this is a big accomplishment for me because it's the first thing I've done that isn't just some variation of knit, purl. It's the first stitch I've done that made me bust out a knitting dictionary to find out what s1, wyif, kftb meant. It's like learning texting language all over.

2- I got up way too early for my ortho appointment. I can't go back to sleep though because if I set my alarm for 8am, it won't go off until TOMORROW at 8am, even though it isn't 8am yet today. Once it's gone off once in a day, it won't go off until the next day. Unless you're my hubby hitting snooze 100 times.

3- Ryan told me yesterday that he doesn't think I want a cat, he thinks I want a baby, and I'm just hoping that a cat may tide me over. He thinks this because I haven't ever talked about wanting a cat before, which I haven't, though I have wanted one since we've been in the apartment. Still, his assertion may have some merit of truth in it. But the fact of the matter is that we can't afford to live on Justin's salary alone, and judging by the history of really difficult pregnancies in my family, I feel like we can't consider being put on bedrest a remote possibility like most couples would--it's a REAL likelihood. I know, as J always tells me, if we wait until we can afford to have kids, we'll never have kids. But, I'd still like to go into it having some sort of a plan where income minus expenses might realistically allow us to break even.

4- My allergies SUCK today. BAH HUMBUG!