Blessed & Thankful

 

That's right--if all goes well, Lizzy's going to be a big sister on or around November 15, 2012! This means that according to my ultrasound yesterday, I'm now 8 weeks, 1 day pregnant.

If I'm totally honest, I'm still not super comfortable posting this today--it's a little early for my preference! I know it's crazy, but we waited to tell the world until I was 12 weeks with Lizzy, and telling earlier kind of makes me feel like I'm jinxing things. But Lizzy came with us to the first appointment yesterday, and she'll tell every random person we come across, so I figured I might as well take the leap of faith and share with you all as well. Besides, I would absolutely love your prayers!

I've been writing little snippets for the past couple of months. Even though it'll make this post a little long, I figured I'll include them here just for my own record-keeping. You are totally free to skip over them if you wish, but I do think they'll probably answer a lot of potential questions. If you have more questions, feel free to hit the comments! Obviously, the following may contain TMI for some people...you have been warned!

2/22/12-So, on Sunday Feb 12th, I should have begun a new pack of BC pills, but didn't. And now I'm officially going crazy--with Lizzy, we never actually "tried" to conceive, so I didn't really pay too much attention to early symptoms. But this time around, I know we're trying, and right now, either I've got some CRAZY phantom symptoms going on, or I'm somehow legitimately already pregnant even though technically speaking I shouldn't have even ovulated yet. Or maybe I am ovulating, and that's what all the symptoms are? I don't know!

3/3/12- Took a pregnancy test this morning. It was negative. I wasn't charting, but my gut is that I was probably 14 dpo, so it should have been positive. But 'technically' speaking, I was only 10dpo. Am I just crazy? Or did I test too soon? There's still 5 days until AF is due, so maybe so.

3/7/12- I couldn't sleep and felt sick most of the night, so about 4 am I took another pregnancy test and was pretty surprised to see that it was POSITIVE. I finally woke Justin up about 4:30am to tell him...he said it was worth getting up that early for :) Last time, we really didn't tell anyone until I was 8 weeks, and most of our friends didn't find out until I was 12 weeks. This time, we told immediate family this morning, other than the kiddos (because once they know, EVERYONE will know). I'm glad we did, but it's also a little hard for me because we didn't do that last time...and so I kind of feel like we "jinxed" it...which I know is silly...but this 4-8 week period of pregnancy is always hardest for me. It's like 'Am I really pregnant?! How would I know if it were ectopic/molar/a missed miscarriage?'

4/4/12- I'm a little less than a week away from my first appointment (just shy of 8 weeks if you go my last cycle). I'm nervous. I have nightmares sometimes of all of us going to the doctor's office, and the sweet ultrasound tech saying, "I'm sorry, but there's no heartbeat." And then, I also find myself thinking irrationally sometimes--for example, with Lizzy I spotted heavily the whole first trimester. I haven't spotted this time at all. But instead of rejoicing in that, I find myself thinking that something must be wrong...because I'm not spotting. Which I know is silly, but I can't stop thinking it. We still haven't told Lizzy yet, and have been really cautious not to talk about it while she's around, but she still often talks about the "baby in mama's belly."

4/5/12- Naturally, after I wrote that I hadn't been spotting, I started spotting (last night). It was light pink spotting and didn't last long, but because it was accompanied by some sharp pain on one side of my abdomen, my OB wanted me to come in today for an ultrasound, to rule out ectopic pregnancy (my first appointment was originally scheduled for Monday). I'm nervous, but also thankful that they are letting me come in today instead of stewing over it all weekend. I'm trying to stay positive and remember that I bled heavily with Lizzy and she was fine. Spotting could be nothing. But it also could be something, and I'm nervous.

So. Justin, Lizzy, and I went in to the doctor yesterday, and I was so nervous! They did an ultrasound first, and saw a little wiggling baby measuring 8 weeks exactly, which is what I technically should be based on my last cycle. I really could have sworn that I was actually a week ahead of that, but I wasn't charting, so I guess I can't really say for sure. Naturally (because everything baby related makes me nervous), it made me nervous that the dates weren't lining up with what I was expecting, even though they were lining up PERFECTLY with what the doctor was expecting. I'm trying to just relax, and remember that the doctor and tech both said that they saw absolutely nothing that concerned them, so at this point I have no reason to stress.

We got to see and hear the heartbeat (162 bpm). I was expecting Lizzy to be super excited when we explained what the ultrasound was showing, but she basically looked at me like 'Duh Mom...I've been telling you that you have a baby in your belly for weeks.'  :)

They didn't really have an explanation for the spotting, just as they didn't really ever have an explanation for the spotting with Lizzy...but still, I'm praying that there are WAY fewer scary bleeding episodes this time! I'm trying not to spend the whole pregnancy in a state of fear and anxiety, but there's honestly always a part of me, however small, that doesn't really believe we'll get to take the baby home until we're actually on the way home from the hospital. So, I'm excited, but pretty nervous too...which I think is often pretty par for the course when it comes to pregnancy!

Today, I am pregnant. Today, the baby is healthy and I am so thankful. 

God is good, always.