Well, it's been awhile little old blog. I feel kind of weird jumping in with a post like this, but I need the processing that writing gives, so there you have it...
In October, I went to my normal doctor for a physical. He said that my thyroid felt a little enlarged. My OB had tested my thyroid back in April--that's just something he does as a part of annuals once you get to a certain age :). Anyway, all my levels were totally fine then, so my doctor ordered an ultrasound to take a look.
I had the ultrasound in November. I remember that the girl performing the ultrasound was quiet during the whole thing, but I've been told that that's common--that the people who perform the ultrasounds at the hospital aren't actually allowed to tell you anything during the procedure. I don't know.
Anyway, the ultrasound showed a "4cm heterogeneous solid with vascularity", which means that I have a biopsy scheduled on Dec 8th. This whole thing is kind of weird, because the endocrinologist that I've been referred to had a biopsy opening before she had a consult opening, so she's actually doing the biopsy without me ever having had the chance to meet with her or talk to her first. I feel like I'm a little in the dark here!
What I do know is this--I know that the size and the vascularity make it slightly more likely that the "nodule" is malignant, but it apparently could still be benign. Several people have told me that 4cm is the threshold for removal whether it is malignant or benign, but I haven't talked to the endocrinologist yet, so I'm not sure if that's her approach or not.
Sometimes, I think I can feel the nodule. Sometimes, when I'm reading to the girls for a long time, I feel like I get a little hoarse, which freaks me out. Then again, I'm not sure whether those are *actually* symptoms, or just in my head. Right now, I kind of freak out with any sore throat, cough, etc...even though those symptoms could easily be explained by my allergies (I'm allergic to Christmas trees!), or any other number of things as well. But, I'm freaked about my thyroid, so I assume it *is* my thyroid.
But really, here's the thing. When I was diagnosed with the weird, rare skin cancer, it was December 12th, 2011. Lizzy was essentially the same age that Becca is now. Several times, I've been sitting in the waiting room for a thyroid appointment, when my Timehop app pops up a status update about waiting for an appointment regarding the skin cancer on that same day 3 years ago. And let's face it, with a biopsy on December 8th, there's a real possibility that I could hear back from them on December 12th this year.
Of course, that doesn't mean anything. I could go in, and find out that it's benign and the endo could feel totally comfortable monitoring it instead of jumping right to surgery. I'm trying to take things one day at a time and not put the cart before the horse, but at the same time, this feels like the weirdest, most surreal deja vu EVER. I'm having a hard time not going "there", to the worst case scenario. To cancer, and surgery, and having to coordinate time off and hospital bills and insurance forms. I just don't want to, you know? I am SO tired of medical stuff. I'm annoyed, and I'm DONE with it, and I don't want to deal with it anymore.
I mean, I will if I need to. I just don't want to.
Showing posts with label Frustration. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Frustration. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 2, 2014
Monday, January 27, 2014
Monday Morning Musings
This weekend had a lot of really good. It also had a lot of really hard. Such is life, I suppose.
-Friday started out with an unexpected day off for Justin....and 65* weather. What? The weather has been so weird this year--the mountain still hasn't even had enough snow to open for skiers and snowboarders! Anyway, the sunshine was much needed and welcomed for my sanity, and we took full advantage of the day with lots of scooters, bike rides, and a trip to the park. Then, while the kids napped, I planted a bunch of flower bulbs that I had forgotten to plant this fall. We'll see what happens with those!
-I also worked on my second quilt quite a bit and am really loving where that's going, and also had some time on Saturday to {finally} work on Becca's room and hung the gallery wall that I'd had sitting on her dresser for almost two years. I really like how that turned out, and think I didn't do too bad for not measuring or leveling anything or even making a plan in advance, ha! Becca is, of course, crying in the photo because she's been getting molars and is really puny lately. In this instance, I had changed her diaper, and then set her on the ground. Once her feet hit the ground, she started screaming hysterically and pointing to her changing pad and saying "Uppie!!" So, I picked her up and put her on her changing pad, and she was...still hysterical.
-Speaking of Becca being hysterical, she is at that age where she knows what she wants, but doesn't always know the words for what she wants, which means that she is constantly frustrated and constantly throwing herself on the ground. She actually does a pretty good job of communicating--we have one of those "100 First Words" books and she'll often bring it over and point to something that she wants...but the problem is that she can't always HAVE what she wants. The other day she came over at like 6:30am and pointed to the chocolate bar. I asked her if she was hungry, and she shook her finger at me, said "NO", and very dramatically pointed at the chocolate bar. I asked if she wanted chocolate, and she nodded. Yeah, that turned into an epic tantrum. Babies are so weird, and this age is kinda hard in that way.
-This past week, one of our neighbors was killed in a pretty tragic accident at work. We didn't know those neighbors well, but I think his death hit both Justin and I pretty hard--for one, he was in his early forties. Second, he worked in construction, and was killed working at the same project that Justin had been working on for most of the past year. I know it probably sounds silly, but plumbing seems like a safe job. Not like a policeman or a firefighter. I really hadn't given much thought to the fact that Justin could go to work one day and not come home. But of course, that's true of anyone, any day, isn't it?
-Then over the weekend, we got word that an older man from church was in the ICU, and was not expected to make it through the day. He used to help with the youth group quite a bit when Justin and I were in high school, he organized the Easter Egg hunt for the little kids every year, and he was always in charge of the temporary tattoo station at our big summer carnival every year. Everybody called him "Uncle Charlie", and he really did feel like everybody's uncle. Kindness just poured out of him. He seemed to be getting better as the weekend continued on, but we knew that while it could mean he was getting better, it could also just as equally be a "final rally". He passed away on Sunday evening.
-We're having some electrical problems, which are completely FREAKING ME OUT. This is happening to different degrees to two of these same light fixtures in our house. My dad (who is a general contractor) and Justin have both pulled different lights and can't seem to find anything obviously wrong--no arcs, no weird wiring, correct wattage bulbs. Some research online has given us an idea of what's up, but J will have to call an electrician buddy today to verify, and I've been given instructions to basically not use these lights today, which is awesome. And I'm sure that's going to be a fun expense.
-So, you all know that Bones is my favorite TV show, right? Well, this season, one of the story lines is about one of the main characters finding out that he has a very advanced and often deadly form of cancer--Ewing's sarcoma. I seriously can't handle this storyline right now. I'm having to read recaps before I can watch the show. See, the weird form of skin cancer that I had about two years ago was a sarcoma. I know that there are probably hundreds (thousands?) of forms of sarcomas, but I also have my two-year follow up for my skin cancer thing this Wednesday, and I always get really, really anxious before any of my dermatologist appointments because I really just don't want to deal with that again, not to mention the fact that I'm pretty sure that the medical costs would bankrupt us. We're still recovering from the financial repercussions of last time. I'd honestly rather bury my head in the sand and forget that there is even such a thing as a sarcoma right now, but that's been hard to do. I know it is nothing compared to the grief that the family members are going through, but the two deaths we've experienced this weekend have been especially hard for me in light of all this as well. I just want to pretend for the next three days that there's no such thing as sarcoma, that there's no such thing as death, and that everything is just puppies and rainbows and ice cream. And I definitely can't handle the storyline of crazy-deadly cancer growing under someone's skin for years and years before anyone had any idea until it was way too late right now. Hello, one of my worst fears.
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So, there's good. Lots of good. There's also a bit that's making me crazy-anxious and borderline hysterical, and means that I want to eat ALL THE CHOCOLATE. Wooosah.
-Friday started out with an unexpected day off for Justin....and 65* weather. What? The weather has been so weird this year--the mountain still hasn't even had enough snow to open for skiers and snowboarders! Anyway, the sunshine was much needed and welcomed for my sanity, and we took full advantage of the day with lots of scooters, bike rides, and a trip to the park. Then, while the kids napped, I planted a bunch of flower bulbs that I had forgotten to plant this fall. We'll see what happens with those!
-I also worked on my second quilt quite a bit and am really loving where that's going, and also had some time on Saturday to {finally} work on Becca's room and hung the gallery wall that I'd had sitting on her dresser for almost two years. I really like how that turned out, and think I didn't do too bad for not measuring or leveling anything or even making a plan in advance, ha! Becca is, of course, crying in the photo because she's been getting molars and is really puny lately. In this instance, I had changed her diaper, and then set her on the ground. Once her feet hit the ground, she started screaming hysterically and pointing to her changing pad and saying "Uppie!!" So, I picked her up and put her on her changing pad, and she was...still hysterical.
-Speaking of Becca being hysterical, she is at that age where she knows what she wants, but doesn't always know the words for what she wants, which means that she is constantly frustrated and constantly throwing herself on the ground. She actually does a pretty good job of communicating--we have one of those "100 First Words" books and she'll often bring it over and point to something that she wants...but the problem is that she can't always HAVE what she wants. The other day she came over at like 6:30am and pointed to the chocolate bar. I asked her if she was hungry, and she shook her finger at me, said "NO", and very dramatically pointed at the chocolate bar. I asked if she wanted chocolate, and she nodded. Yeah, that turned into an epic tantrum. Babies are so weird, and this age is kinda hard in that way.
-This past week, one of our neighbors was killed in a pretty tragic accident at work. We didn't know those neighbors well, but I think his death hit both Justin and I pretty hard--for one, he was in his early forties. Second, he worked in construction, and was killed working at the same project that Justin had been working on for most of the past year. I know it probably sounds silly, but plumbing seems like a safe job. Not like a policeman or a firefighter. I really hadn't given much thought to the fact that Justin could go to work one day and not come home. But of course, that's true of anyone, any day, isn't it?
-Then over the weekend, we got word that an older man from church was in the ICU, and was not expected to make it through the day. He used to help with the youth group quite a bit when Justin and I were in high school, he organized the Easter Egg hunt for the little kids every year, and he was always in charge of the temporary tattoo station at our big summer carnival every year. Everybody called him "Uncle Charlie", and he really did feel like everybody's uncle. Kindness just poured out of him. He seemed to be getting better as the weekend continued on, but we knew that while it could mean he was getting better, it could also just as equally be a "final rally". He passed away on Sunday evening.
-We're having some electrical problems, which are completely FREAKING ME OUT. This is happening to different degrees to two of these same light fixtures in our house. My dad (who is a general contractor) and Justin have both pulled different lights and can't seem to find anything obviously wrong--no arcs, no weird wiring, correct wattage bulbs. Some research online has given us an idea of what's up, but J will have to call an electrician buddy today to verify, and I've been given instructions to basically not use these lights today, which is awesome. And I'm sure that's going to be a fun expense.
-So, you all know that Bones is my favorite TV show, right? Well, this season, one of the story lines is about one of the main characters finding out that he has a very advanced and often deadly form of cancer--Ewing's sarcoma. I seriously can't handle this storyline right now. I'm having to read recaps before I can watch the show. See, the weird form of skin cancer that I had about two years ago was a sarcoma. I know that there are probably hundreds (thousands?) of forms of sarcomas, but I also have my two-year follow up for my skin cancer thing this Wednesday, and I always get really, really anxious before any of my dermatologist appointments because I really just don't want to deal with that again, not to mention the fact that I'm pretty sure that the medical costs would bankrupt us. We're still recovering from the financial repercussions of last time. I'd honestly rather bury my head in the sand and forget that there is even such a thing as a sarcoma right now, but that's been hard to do. I know it is nothing compared to the grief that the family members are going through, but the two deaths we've experienced this weekend have been especially hard for me in light of all this as well. I just want to pretend for the next three days that there's no such thing as sarcoma, that there's no such thing as death, and that everything is just puppies and rainbows and ice cream. And I definitely can't handle the storyline of crazy-deadly cancer growing under someone's skin for years and years before anyone had any idea until it was way too late right now. Hello, one of my worst fears.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
One Week Postpartum
*Note: This post is about all the gory postpartum details via survey stolen and (slightly modified) from Kristal. Fair warning. Just saying.
How far along were you when you had your baby? 39 weeks
How long was labor? About an hour and a half from the "pop" that I thought was my water breaking until delivery. And of that, probably 15-20 minutes was the nurses telling me not to push. So...yeah. I am totally terrified about what this means for any future kiddos.
Total weight gain: About 27 pounds
Total weight loss so far: About 12 pounds. I'm about 15 pounds away from pre-pregnancy weight. Even though the weight loss isn't as much as I would like, I have been surprised at how quickly my belly is shrinking back down this time. Here's a photo from this morning:
Which I think is similar to where I was about one month postpartum with Lizzy (at which point I was about 18 pounds above pre-pregnancy weight):
I didn't start talking about weight loss and such until I was about a month postpartum with Lizzy, so I don't know whether I lost all the weight initially and then just didn't lose any more until I started working out, or whether it was a steady loss up until that month point...it will be interesting to see how things go this time around.
How is physical recovery going? Pretty well. I'm starting to get a little itchy and sore around the areas where I have stitches, which is uncomfortable, but not terrible. On Monday night, I was REALLY achy and sore all over, and then started to get the chills, and eventually a low-grade fever of about 100 degrees. I was pretty sure I was dying of sepsis, and was ready to call my OB at like 1am. Justin convinced me to take some ibuprofen and wait a couple hours to see what happened. The fever broke about 3am, and I'm still alive (obviously). Since then, I've learned from Dr. Google that a low-grade fever is normal for some women when their milk comes in...which it did on Monday. So, I'm guessing that was that.
What do you miss about being pregnant? Not a darn thing. I tolerate pregnancy in order to get the baby out of it, but I don't really enjoy it at all.
How is nursing going? It's going well. Rebecca latched on almost immediately after being born, and nursing has been easier with her than it ever was with Lizzy, who sucked her tongue in utero. Rebecca pretty much nurses all the time, which is also a lot different than Lizzy. With Lizzy, I'd be lucky to get her to nurse for 15 minutes every three hours. With Rebecca, on Monday we watched 3 or 4 episodes of a TV show on Netflix, and I nursed her at least once per 42 minute episode. So overall, it's going well...that's not to say that it isn't toe-curlingly painful when she first latches on, but it is much, much better than it was with Lizzy.
Have you taken her out yet? Yes. We all went to the pediatrician on Monday. Justin went back to work on Tuesday, and on Wednesday I took both girls to the drive-thru at the bank and the Dollar Store. And then I felt like I needed a five hour nap. I wish I had a Moby wrap right about now, 'cause I think that would make taking her out to places like church easier.
How/where does she sleep? I'm beginning to think that Rebecca is a vampire. Seriously, she does not sleep at night, AT ALL, unless she is being held. I'm not talking sleeping through the night...I'm talking sleeping at ALL during the night. This is bad news, because I am not comfortable co-sleeping at all because of how heavily Justin sleeps. So the last few nights, I've sat down to nurse her, and then woken up in a terror-stricken panic about 15 minutes later. It is not a good situation.
During the day? She has no problem sleeping. But a lot of good that does me, because it's significantly harder to sleep when the baby sleeps when you also have a toddler. For example, the other morning, I put Rebecca in the swing right next to the couch, put on a movie for Lizzy, and gave Lizzy strict instructions not to get off the couch unless it was to go to the bathroom (in which case, she was to come right back to the couch). I laid down, and cat napped on the couch...and was woken up by Lizzy yelling delightedly, "Mom! I gave baby sister an underdog!!!"
So yeah. The sleep situation sucks. Lizzy is going to my sister-in-law's house for a couple of hours today, during which time I plan to sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. Hopefully without simultaneously holding a newborn.
How's the big sister doing? We are in a definite period of adjustment with Lizzy. Most of the time, she is so incredibly sweet with her sister, and it is a joy and a blessing to watch. Lizzy wants to hold her and kiss her all the time, and just loves her to pieces. But on the other hand, I can tell that she's also pushing limits and boundaries big time--like, nearly every time I'm nursing Rebecca, she will get into something that she knows she's not supposed to do, and straight-up ignores me if I tell her to stop, all with this big grin on her face because she knows I'm indisposed. And now if she's mad? Lizzy will let out this absolutely blood curdling scream--something that she never did before, and I have no doubt that she's totally doing it on purpose in order to try and wake up her sister. And that totally makes my blood boil.
I'm trying to be intentional about spending time doing something one-on-one with Lizzy at least once per day while Rebecca is sleeping--painting our nails, coloring, reading books, etc. I try to let Lizzy direct the activity. I know that this is just an adjustment period, so I'm trying not to stress about it too much, even though it has been a little difficult. We've also noticed that Lizzy has really started becoming a lot more attached to Justin--when she's hurt, she wants him. When she wants to snuggle, she wants him. From the minute he walks in the door at night, she is climbing all over him wanting to play and wrestle. Which I don't honestly mind. Sometimes they can totally antagonize each other, so it's nice to watch them bond a little! Justin is doing a great job giving Lizzy extra attention when he is home.
What are you looking forward to? I'm hoping to do some newborn pictures this weekend! It's just been so rainy and dreary lately that I haven't bothered. But we may go to my parents' house for a bit this weekend, and they have a ton of windows, which might actually make it possible.
Tuesday, November 6, 2012
A trip to L&D...but no baby.
So. As those of you following along know, as of last Tuesday I was dilated to a near 4, and having lots of contractions, but they just wouldn't settle into any sort of timetable for any consistent amount of time. I'd have the "perfect" 4-1-1 contractions for an hour, and then right when I was getting ready to call, I wouldn't have another contraction for 40 minutes. It was irritating.
Last night Justin had a late playoff softball game. I'd been having contractions for a few hours before the game, but again they were like 8-10 minutes apart...then 4 minutes apart...then 8-10 minutes apart. They were uncomfortable, and I was starting to get really short with Justin and Lizzy if they'd talk to me during them, but I wasn't convinced that they wouldn't just stop all of a sudden like all the other ones. Since the softball fields are much closer to the hospital than our house is, we decided to just pack all of us up and head to Justin's game. Even though it was way past Lizzy's bedtime, I figured that maybe keeping her up late would actually make her sleep in past...oh 5am.
I timed contractions the whole game. Every once in awhile I'd have a big gap of time in between them, but they were still averaging about 4 minutes apart. They were still uncomfortable and I definitely had to breathe through them, but I didn't know what to do because I did NOT want to go to the hospital only to be sent home. Justin convinced me that we should at least call labor and delivery and see about going to get checked, and that it was no biggie if they just sent us home. So, he called and we went in.
I was telling the nurses that I wasn't 100% sure this was it or that the contractions wouldn't just stop again, but that things had gone so quickly with Lizzy and I was already so dilated that I just wanted to come in and make sure that it wasn't it. The sweet nurse assigned to me had actually been to mom's group before, and was so nice and kept telling me that she was glad that I came in and that I did the right thing...which was sweet...but honestly, I just kept thinking 'Yeah...I did the right thing IF I'm in labor.' She checked me, and said that I was dilated to a 5, and could be easily stretched to a 6, and was about 50% effaced. And then the contractions slowed down.
They monitored me for a little while, and then conferred with my OB, who said that we could either just call it a night and go home, or walk for an hour and then be re-checked and see if that either got things going more or if I dilated further. So, Lizzy went home with Stump (who had been at the softball game too), and Justin and I got to walking.
The contractions started picking up in intensity and frequency, and I was eventually leaning on Justin and swaying through them. At the end of the hour, they were about 2 mins apart, and Justin commented that he could tell they were getting more intense. Those suckers HURT. So, the nurse checked me again, and said that I hadn't really dilated or effaced any more. And once I'd laid down to be checked, the contractions had decreased again, so we were on our way home because they didn't really think I was in active labor.
The nurse kept commenting how strange it was to be sending someone home who was dilated to a 5-6, and how I was a total medical outlier in this situation...which is really kind of funny, because if I had a dollar for every time I'd been told that in a medical setting, I'd be a rich girl. Anyway, they sent us off about 12:30 or 1am, with assurances that they were sure they'd be seeing me again soon, maybe even later that night/morning.
And then I cried most of the way home. Because it sucks and it's frustrating, and I'm sore from head to toe even when I get a break from contracting. The contractions are still coming, but have slowed back down a bit since coming home. I've given up timing them for awhile. I slept a little, but not a lot. I'll probably have this baby in the car, because I'm not really sure when to head back in (and will probably second-guess myself like crazy) other than if my water breaks...so I'm kind of praying that my water just breaks and then there's no debate!
Now, I'm just trying to decide whether to take it easy, pop on a movie for Lizzy, and try to get some rest this morning, or whether to pack us up, head into the mall, and walk like crazy trying to get things going again. But that seems like an awful lot of work for something that I'm not convinced will make any difference, because the trick isn't necessarily GETTING things going, but KEEPING them going.
Blah. Sorry to whine, but I'm kinda over this.
Last night Justin had a late playoff softball game. I'd been having contractions for a few hours before the game, but again they were like 8-10 minutes apart...then 4 minutes apart...then 8-10 minutes apart. They were uncomfortable, and I was starting to get really short with Justin and Lizzy if they'd talk to me during them, but I wasn't convinced that they wouldn't just stop all of a sudden like all the other ones. Since the softball fields are much closer to the hospital than our house is, we decided to just pack all of us up and head to Justin's game. Even though it was way past Lizzy's bedtime, I figured that maybe keeping her up late would actually make her sleep in past...oh 5am.
I timed contractions the whole game. Every once in awhile I'd have a big gap of time in between them, but they were still averaging about 4 minutes apart. They were still uncomfortable and I definitely had to breathe through them, but I didn't know what to do because I did NOT want to go to the hospital only to be sent home. Justin convinced me that we should at least call labor and delivery and see about going to get checked, and that it was no biggie if they just sent us home. So, he called and we went in.
I was telling the nurses that I wasn't 100% sure this was it or that the contractions wouldn't just stop again, but that things had gone so quickly with Lizzy and I was already so dilated that I just wanted to come in and make sure that it wasn't it. The sweet nurse assigned to me had actually been to mom's group before, and was so nice and kept telling me that she was glad that I came in and that I did the right thing...which was sweet...but honestly, I just kept thinking 'Yeah...I did the right thing IF I'm in labor.' She checked me, and said that I was dilated to a 5, and could be easily stretched to a 6, and was about 50% effaced. And then the contractions slowed down.
They monitored me for a little while, and then conferred with my OB, who said that we could either just call it a night and go home, or walk for an hour and then be re-checked and see if that either got things going more or if I dilated further. So, Lizzy went home with Stump (who had been at the softball game too), and Justin and I got to walking.
The contractions started picking up in intensity and frequency, and I was eventually leaning on Justin and swaying through them. At the end of the hour, they were about 2 mins apart, and Justin commented that he could tell they were getting more intense. Those suckers HURT. So, the nurse checked me again, and said that I hadn't really dilated or effaced any more. And once I'd laid down to be checked, the contractions had decreased again, so we were on our way home because they didn't really think I was in active labor.
The nurse kept commenting how strange it was to be sending someone home who was dilated to a 5-6, and how I was a total medical outlier in this situation...which is really kind of funny, because if I had a dollar for every time I'd been told that in a medical setting, I'd be a rich girl. Anyway, they sent us off about 12:30 or 1am, with assurances that they were sure they'd be seeing me again soon, maybe even later that night/morning.
And then I cried most of the way home. Because it sucks and it's frustrating, and I'm sore from head to toe even when I get a break from contracting. The contractions are still coming, but have slowed back down a bit since coming home. I've given up timing them for awhile. I slept a little, but not a lot. I'll probably have this baby in the car, because I'm not really sure when to head back in (and will probably second-guess myself like crazy) other than if my water breaks...so I'm kind of praying that my water just breaks and then there's no debate!
Now, I'm just trying to decide whether to take it easy, pop on a movie for Lizzy, and try to get some rest this morning, or whether to pack us up, head into the mall, and walk like crazy trying to get things going again. But that seems like an awful lot of work for something that I'm not convinced will make any difference, because the trick isn't necessarily GETTING things going, but KEEPING them going.
Blah. Sorry to whine, but I'm kinda over this.
Wednesday, August 29, 2012
5 Random Things
1. Last night, I had a bad night. I was trying to finish the recipe for homemade marinara for dinner, and followed the instructions to blend it all. Only, I learned the hard way that hot liquids in the blender = no bueno. Hot marinara exploded EVERYWHERE. All over me (so now I've got burns on my arms). All over the cabinets. It's probably even on the ceiling. I was so irritated, and definitely did NOT want pasta with marinara anymore. But of course, it's the last stretch until payday (J gets paid once a month, on the last day of the month) and we're trying to be good about sticking to the budget, so it wasn't as simple as just ordering a pizza. Luckily, Justin made grilled cheese. But seriously, it was a bad night.
2. My spiffy new phone came with a free trial of voicemail-to-text. Only, it is so terribly (hilariously) bad that I'm not sure why anyone would ever pay for it! Here's just a few examples:
Really...I'd almost rather let things go to voicemail now just to see what kind of crazy thing my voicemail-to-text is going to come up with next!
3. I feel like Lizzy has grown a whole bunch all of a sudden. On Sunday morning, she woke up screaming, and had a really hard day the rest of the day. We were like 'WHAT IS GOING ON?!' But since then, I've noticed that when we're out and about, suddenly she can reach the sinks in public bathrooms. She can get her own water from the faucet on the fridge. And her little bum is hanging out the bottom of her 3T shorts! Luckily, we have a few 4T pairs, and summer is almost over!
4. They found West Nile Virus in Southern Oregon. Of course, they announced it when I was COVERED with bites, and had been just down the road from where the infected mosquitoes were found. So, I pretty much spent the next few days convinced that I was going to be hospitalized with West Nile Virus...because if it was going to happen to anyone, it was going to happen to me. Really, the only advice they've given was to not be out around dusk...so my knee jerk reaction was to say that I'm not going to Justin's baseball games anymore at all, EVER. But, it's probably much more reasonable to just pack my Avon Skin So Soft and slather myself up (and maybe bring a long sleeve/pants to change into). I'm trying to be reasonable and not a hypochondriac here!
5. Has anybody out there tried any of the drugstore BB creams? I'm not a big makeup person, but I think I'd like to try one, because it sounds like they're a little more coverage than a tinted moisturizer, but a little less coverage (and effort, ha!) than foundation, powder, etc. I'm leaning towards the L'Oreal one because it doesn't have sunscreen in it (sunscreens tend to give me a chemical burn, though it sounds like the amount of sunscreen in the Maybelline one is minimal at best). Anyway, I'd love to hear from you if you've tried them!
2. My spiffy new phone came with a free trial of voicemail-to-text. Only, it is so terribly (hilariously) bad that I'm not sure why anyone would ever pay for it! Here's just a few examples:
My sister left a voicemail saying, "Hey Mere, it's your sister. Call me back!".
This is what voicemail-to-text came up with:
My sister-in-law Kelsey left a voicemail asking her if we'd already picked the songs for that Sunday's worship service, and if we had, she was wondering if I could email them to her:
Justin left a voicemail earlier this month asking what kind of ice cream I'd like:
Really...I'd almost rather let things go to voicemail now just to see what kind of crazy thing my voicemail-to-text is going to come up with next!
3. I feel like Lizzy has grown a whole bunch all of a sudden. On Sunday morning, she woke up screaming, and had a really hard day the rest of the day. We were like 'WHAT IS GOING ON?!' But since then, I've noticed that when we're out and about, suddenly she can reach the sinks in public bathrooms. She can get her own water from the faucet on the fridge. And her little bum is hanging out the bottom of her 3T shorts! Luckily, we have a few 4T pairs, and summer is almost over!
4. They found West Nile Virus in Southern Oregon. Of course, they announced it when I was COVERED with bites, and had been just down the road from where the infected mosquitoes were found. So, I pretty much spent the next few days convinced that I was going to be hospitalized with West Nile Virus...because if it was going to happen to anyone, it was going to happen to me. Really, the only advice they've given was to not be out around dusk...so my knee jerk reaction was to say that I'm not going to Justin's baseball games anymore at all, EVER. But, it's probably much more reasonable to just pack my Avon Skin So Soft and slather myself up (and maybe bring a long sleeve/pants to change into). I'm trying to be reasonable and not a hypochondriac here!
5. Has anybody out there tried any of the drugstore BB creams? I'm not a big makeup person, but I think I'd like to try one, because it sounds like they're a little more coverage than a tinted moisturizer, but a little less coverage (and effort, ha!) than foundation, powder, etc. I'm leaning towards the L'Oreal one because it doesn't have sunscreen in it (sunscreens tend to give me a chemical burn, though it sounds like the amount of sunscreen in the Maybelline one is minimal at best). Anyway, I'd love to hear from you if you've tried them!
Thursday, August 23, 2012
Pregnancy #2: 28 weeks
{It's pajama day. More on that later.}
And a 28 week shot from when I was pregnant with Lizzy:
How far along: 28 weeks.
Size of baby: An eggplant (The Bump) or a Chinese cabbage (Baby Center). In other words, about 15 inches inches and 2.5 pounds.
Weight Gain: +8-10 pounds total, from pre-pregnancy weight. It varies from day to day.
Symptoms: {Fair warning--this is going to be a little whiny today}. The heartburn is so bad that I now have to sleep sitting up, and none of my sneaky pregnancy cures have been helping (nor has Tums, etc). So there's that. Also, I've been having lots and lots of Braxton Hicks contractions, as well as quite a bit of pelvic pressure already. At my OB appointment on Tuesday, my doc told me that it could simply be that I'm more aware of both this time. It could be the activity difference in having a toddler versus sitting at a desk all day. It could be the 106 degree heat we've been having. Or, it could be the fact that up until last night, we haven't had a single night with all three of us at home in over 3 weeks, and I'm just plum doing too much. It hadn't really crossed my mind until the appointment, but even sitting in the bleachers to watch Justin play softball/baseball probably isn't actually as relaxing as it may seem due to the heat, and the fact that we're all out late. There really is something to be said for being home.
Anyway, he told me that he'll probably check me at my 30 week appointment to make sure that I'm not dilating already. In the meantime, he told me that we really need to carve out more rest time and see if that helps calm the contractions and pressure down. He "prescribed" that we need to declare at least one pajama day AND night a week, where I'm inside with the AC on, and literally not doing much besides watching TV, reading, napping, taking a bath, and drinking water. This is harder than it seems--and it seems like even when we do carve out that time, some "emergency" at church comes up, or a friend calls and needs help with something time sensitive, or I have an opportunity to do a photo shoot, or we get invited to do something fun, or they won't have enough people to play in the baseball game if I ask Justin to stay home. We are the type of people who go-go-go, and Justin and I both have a hard time saying no. It's also frustrating for me, because I feel like we're home so little as it is that when we ARE here, we really both need to be doing dishes, laundry, etc. It's not that Justin doesn't help with that stuff, it's just that because everything gets crammed into one day or evening, we really BOTH need to be doing it if it's going to get done. I feel like I'd have less problem lounging on the couch if I magically woke up to a totally cleaned house, but I'm honestly not sure if that's really true either.
I'm trying to be good about it, because I know that if I don't carve out that time, there's a possibility that I could end up on bed-rest later on, which would obviously just suck. But sometimes, it's hard to be good about it. For example, I really really wanted to go to the Mom's Group playdate at the water park today. I'm feeling kind of lonely lately and desperately need some adult interaction, so I was really looking forward to it. But, I have a photo shoot at a bridal shower this evening, and I know if go to the park and sit in the heat all afternoon, I'm going to be having contractions like crazy by evening. So, I'm here on the couch instead, having pajama day...trying to ignore our disaster of a house, the mountain of dishes, and the fact that my kiddo is bouncing off the walls.
Exercise: Not right now, for the reasons mentioned above.
Clothes: Mostly maternity, though all the "lounge clothes" in this week's photo are regular stuff.
Cravings/Aversions: I'm having a hard time drinking enough water lately.
Movement: Yep :) We've started with the kick counts this week as well.
Worries: Just the above!
Milestones: She's got eyelashes! Hopefully, she inherited the bright blue eyes and super long eyelashes from her dad :) Other than developing eyesight, she's mostly just fattening up at this point.
What's Different This Time: This post is long enough as it is this week ;)
Best moment of the week: A night at home...finally. Also, I loved getting to see a sneak peek of the quilt my mom is working on!
Tuesday, August 14, 2012
Since you last saw me....
-I've done approximately 20 loads of laundry (yet somehow it still isn't done).
-I've sorted all the clothes in my closet into "newly postpartum" and "pre-pregnancy size" totes, and put them away for the rest of this pregnancy. And cried looking at the size of jeans I wore shortly after Lizzy was born. I really hope I never have to wear them this time.
-I've spent approximately one hour waiting in the 108 degree heat in our non-air conditioned car. Then, I spent approximately three hours watching baseball and wrangling a kiddo in the same 108 degree heat. Happily, Justin's team beat the best team in the league last night, which was particularly gratifying as the manager of the other team kept throwing the bat, swearing, and straight-up trying to cheat. Oh, and did I mention he's the coach of one of the local high school teams? He's clearly an awesome role model. I wish I would have video taped him and sent it to the school district. It was SO gratifying that his team lost.
-I've researched, arranged, and planned to have our internet switched over to a new provider. Hopefully, they're installing tomorrow. We've had Clearwire for years and hated them, but for some reason, it always felt like more of a hassle to switch.
-I've averaged getting to actually speak to my husband for about 10 minutes a night for the past two weeks...he's been leaving for work at about 6am every morning, working out of town with no cell service, and getting back sometime between 6pm and 8pm, though I never really know exactly when. And if he does get home earlier, he usually has baseball. Or there's something, and we're still not home. I'm feeling beyond done with this arrangement. So is our kiddo.
-I've gotten a call from the refinance lady that the USDA's refinance program that they just announced (and we were planning to use) is almost out of funds already. We'd been planning to close in November, but she wants to close ASAP instead. So, I've been spending time trying to figure out whether or not we can make things happen sooner than we planned. Right now, it doesn't feel worth the effort, honestly.
-I have spent almost an hour on the phone with our insurance, trying to figure out this breast pump business. Apparently, a new law went into effect in August that breastpumps are covered, period. BUT naturally, it isn't that simple for us...and we don't actually get to benefit from that law until January when our plan renews. So, instead, I'm trying to figure out which pump to buy with their old policy, which is that we pay out of pocket and they reimburse 70% up to $200. I'm looking at the Medela Pump In Style Advanced, the Phillips Avent Twin Electric, and the Ameda Purely Yours Double Pump. So if you have any of those and would like to weigh in (good or bad), I'd love that!
-I've spent approximately 3 hours shooting photos, and another 3 hours learning (trying to learn) Lightroom, which has been a lot of fun!
Basically, things have been busy, but not with anything particularly interesting to write about...so I apologize for my lack of posts lately! Hope everyone is having a fantastic summer!
-I've spent approximately one hour waiting in the 108 degree heat in our non-air conditioned car. Then, I spent approximately three hours watching baseball and wrangling a kiddo in the same 108 degree heat. Happily, Justin's team beat the best team in the league last night, which was particularly gratifying as the manager of the other team kept throwing the bat, swearing, and straight-up trying to cheat. Oh, and did I mention he's the coach of one of the local high school teams? He's clearly an awesome role model. I wish I would have video taped him and sent it to the school district. It was SO gratifying that his team lost.
-I've researched, arranged, and planned to have our internet switched over to a new provider. Hopefully, they're installing tomorrow. We've had Clearwire for years and hated them, but for some reason, it always felt like more of a hassle to switch.
-I've averaged getting to actually speak to my husband for about 10 minutes a night for the past two weeks...he's been leaving for work at about 6am every morning, working out of town with no cell service, and getting back sometime between 6pm and 8pm, though I never really know exactly when. And if he does get home earlier, he usually has baseball. Or there's something, and we're still not home. I'm feeling beyond done with this arrangement. So is our kiddo.
-I've gotten a call from the refinance lady that the USDA's refinance program that they just announced (and we were planning to use) is almost out of funds already. We'd been planning to close in November, but she wants to close ASAP instead. So, I've been spending time trying to figure out whether or not we can make things happen sooner than we planned. Right now, it doesn't feel worth the effort, honestly.
-I've spent lots of time snuggling my sweet girl. She and I both aren't feeling great--there's a few fires going on in Southern Oregon, and the level of smoke in the air is unreal. I think the runny noses and sore throats on both our ends are probably mostly attributed to that.
-I have spent almost an hour on the phone with our insurance, trying to figure out this breast pump business. Apparently, a new law went into effect in August that breastpumps are covered, period. BUT naturally, it isn't that simple for us...and we don't actually get to benefit from that law until January when our plan renews. So, instead, I'm trying to figure out which pump to buy with their old policy, which is that we pay out of pocket and they reimburse 70% up to $200. I'm looking at the Medela Pump In Style Advanced, the Phillips Avent Twin Electric, and the Ameda Purely Yours Double Pump. So if you have any of those and would like to weigh in (good or bad), I'd love that!
-I've spent approximately 3 hours shooting photos, and another 3 hours learning (trying to learn) Lightroom, which has been a lot of fun!
Basically, things have been busy, but not with anything particularly interesting to write about...so I apologize for my lack of posts lately! Hope everyone is having a fantastic summer!
Tuesday, July 24, 2012
Crazier than Usual...
So, on Friday the dermatologist called to tell me that the spot that she removed was not melanoma. It was actually nothing at all, other than my awesome doctor being overly cautious. Thank God!
But with that said, this morning as I hopped out of the shower, I noticed another mole on the underside of one of my boobs. It's sort of two-colored, and I immediately found myself wondering 'Has it always been two colors? What if the dermatologist missed this one last time? I get my stitches out tomorrow...maybe I should bring it up. But it's just the nurse, not the doctor. I mean, I'm sure the doctor saw it. But what if she didn't? Has it always looked like this? I should ask Justin if it's always looked like this. But what if Justin hasn't been paying attention and what if my doctor hasn't been paying attention and what if it has changed and what if it's something bad? And what if since it's on my boob, it makes it so I can't breastfeed? Maybe I should wait a few months and watch it. My dermatologist is awesome, and I know she did a full check at my last appointment last week. I'm sure she didn't miss it. But I'm already going in tomorrow...maybe I should just bring it up? In case she did miss it? But I don't want to deal with any more stitches or anything else right not.'
Then, I noticed that where I got stung by a bee last week on my foot was all swollen again. And I found myself thinking, 'What if it wasn't a bee sting? What if it was a terrible, awful spider like a brown recluse, and what if my whole foot falls off? Or what if it was a scorpion? Do we have scorpions here in Oregon? Maybe I should Google about scorpions and make sure it isn't a scorpion. Or a spider. What if it's some terrible pregnancy condition? Should I bring it up at my OB appointment today? Oh my gosh, I have an OB appointment today. I can feel the baby kicking, but what if something's wrong? I don't know what would be wrong, but what if something is?! '
By then, I was starting to realize that I was majorly freaking out about...nothing, really. I could feel my chest tightening up with stress, and I KNEW I was stressing about silly stuff, but I couldn't get myself to stop freaking out.
And then? Because I couldn't get myself to stop freaking out, I started freaking out that my blood pressure would be too high at my OB appointment this morning.
I don't know if anybody else has ever experienced anything like this--anxiety and worry about small stuff that you simultaneously KNOW is small stuff, and also can't stop yourself from worrying about. But I do. And it's usually when I'm worried, stressed, or have anxiety about something else entirely.
When I think about it, I'm pretty sure it has to do with being shot in the back (a kid sniped me with a BB gun) at the park last week, and then waking up the next morning to the news of the shooting in Colorado. I think that, in and of itself, may have shaken me up more than I realized. Before the last few days, being randomly shot by a person I don't know hadn't even been a blip of worry on my radar. Now it is. And it's scary. Then, over the weekend, someone died in front of my brother after falling off a ladder. Justin told me last night that a guy he knows just recently drowned. Right now, I kind of feel like DEATH AND DANGER ARE EVERYWHERE AND NO PLACE IS SAFE.
Does that sound silly? Even I think it does in a way. In the logical part of my brain. At the very least, it's pretty sensational and dramatic. There's really no point to this post, friends....and I don't mean it to be a total debbie downer post either, because I can kind of see that this is a little bit hysterical from an outside point of view. I just feel a little crazier than usual today, and felt like getting it out of my head was better than keeping it in :)
But with that said, this morning as I hopped out of the shower, I noticed another mole on the underside of one of my boobs. It's sort of two-colored, and I immediately found myself wondering 'Has it always been two colors? What if the dermatologist missed this one last time? I get my stitches out tomorrow...maybe I should bring it up. But it's just the nurse, not the doctor. I mean, I'm sure the doctor saw it. But what if she didn't? Has it always looked like this? I should ask Justin if it's always looked like this. But what if Justin hasn't been paying attention and what if my doctor hasn't been paying attention and what if it has changed and what if it's something bad? And what if since it's on my boob, it makes it so I can't breastfeed? Maybe I should wait a few months and watch it. My dermatologist is awesome, and I know she did a full check at my last appointment last week. I'm sure she didn't miss it. But I'm already going in tomorrow...maybe I should just bring it up? In case she did miss it? But I don't want to deal with any more stitches or anything else right not.'
Then, I noticed that where I got stung by a bee last week on my foot was all swollen again. And I found myself thinking, 'What if it wasn't a bee sting? What if it was a terrible, awful spider like a brown recluse, and what if my whole foot falls off? Or what if it was a scorpion? Do we have scorpions here in Oregon? Maybe I should Google about scorpions and make sure it isn't a scorpion. Or a spider. What if it's some terrible pregnancy condition? Should I bring it up at my OB appointment today? Oh my gosh, I have an OB appointment today. I can feel the baby kicking, but what if something's wrong? I don't know what would be wrong, but what if something is?! '
By then, I was starting to realize that I was majorly freaking out about...nothing, really. I could feel my chest tightening up with stress, and I KNEW I was stressing about silly stuff, but I couldn't get myself to stop freaking out.
And then? Because I couldn't get myself to stop freaking out, I started freaking out that my blood pressure would be too high at my OB appointment this morning.
{which is really kind of humorous if you think about it}
I don't know if anybody else has ever experienced anything like this--anxiety and worry about small stuff that you simultaneously KNOW is small stuff, and also can't stop yourself from worrying about. But I do. And it's usually when I'm worried, stressed, or have anxiety about something else entirely.
When I think about it, I'm pretty sure it has to do with being shot in the back (a kid sniped me with a BB gun) at the park last week, and then waking up the next morning to the news of the shooting in Colorado. I think that, in and of itself, may have shaken me up more than I realized. Before the last few days, being randomly shot by a person I don't know hadn't even been a blip of worry on my radar. Now it is. And it's scary. Then, over the weekend, someone died in front of my brother after falling off a ladder. Justin told me last night that a guy he knows just recently drowned. Right now, I kind of feel like DEATH AND DANGER ARE EVERYWHERE AND NO PLACE IS SAFE.
Does that sound silly? Even I think it does in a way. In the logical part of my brain. At the very least, it's pretty sensational and dramatic. There's really no point to this post, friends....and I don't mean it to be a total debbie downer post either, because I can kind of see that this is a little bit hysterical from an outside point of view. I just feel a little crazier than usual today, and felt like getting it out of my head was better than keeping it in :)
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
Sometimes, you just need the wildflowers.
On Monday, I got stitches on my stomach. And they came with directions like "no swimming for 10 days" and "you're not allowed to pick up your daughter". They are big-time irritating, and much harder to forget about than the previous ones on my back.
Yesterday, we went with my mom to pick a few berries. I got stung by a bee in between my toes. It seems like such a small thing, but man ALIVE it hurts. And it's swollen, and itchy, and all I want to do is take some Benadryl (which is allowed by my doctor), but I can't do that until Justin gets home or else I'll fall asleep on the parenting job, ha!
Then, last night we had to leave Justin's baseball game again because Lizzy wasn't listening, and started hitting and kicking me. So, that was also fun, and by the end of the night I was definitely having a bit of a pity party.
I woke up in the same mood. Trudged to the living room to balance the checkbook, flipped on the light switch, and yet another light sparked and burnt out. Clearly, the morning was not planning to turn around on its own.
So, this morning while the coffee was brewing, I went outside and walked around the backyard for a few minutes...even though it looks like it might dump rain on my head any second. I drifted over to the bank of wildflowers, which I'm so glad that I planted this year. Sometimes, you just need to see the wildflowers, you know? They're a daily reminder for me of all that is a beautiful blessing...because I know there's lots of those beautiful blessings in my life...sometimes I just have to take the time to notice them.
Yesterday, we went with my mom to pick a few berries. I got stung by a bee in between my toes. It seems like such a small thing, but man ALIVE it hurts. And it's swollen, and itchy, and all I want to do is take some Benadryl (which is allowed by my doctor), but I can't do that until Justin gets home or else I'll fall asleep on the parenting job, ha!
Then, last night we had to leave Justin's baseball game again because Lizzy wasn't listening, and started hitting and kicking me. So, that was also fun, and by the end of the night I was definitely having a bit of a pity party.
I woke up in the same mood. Trudged to the living room to balance the checkbook, flipped on the light switch, and yet another light sparked and burnt out. Clearly, the morning was not planning to turn around on its own.
So, this morning while the coffee was brewing, I went outside and walked around the backyard for a few minutes...even though it looks like it might dump rain on my head any second. I drifted over to the bank of wildflowers, which I'm so glad that I planted this year. Sometimes, you just need to see the wildflowers, you know? They're a daily reminder for me of all that is a beautiful blessing...because I know there's lots of those beautiful blessings in my life...sometimes I just have to take the time to notice them.
To quote from Phil Robertson (of Duck Dynasty, which y'all NEED to watch if you don't):
"Nature. They need to get into that more. Look around. [See] what the Almighty created."
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
So.
I had my follow-up appointment with my dermatologist today regarding the skin cancer fiasco back in January. As I thought, the site of the skin cancer on my back looks fine, but she quickly focused in on a mole on my stomach above my belly button instead. She had asked about it last time, as it has slightly irregular borders--I told her that I've always had it and that it has always looked similar, but that it did seem to "stretch out" last time I was pregnant with Lizzy, and never completely went back to its pre-pregnancy shape. Then again, lot of things didn't.
She simply said that we'll watch it, and to remind her to look at it the next time I came in. So this time I did--and I figured that it was actually kind of a good thing I was pregnant, because it meant that she could actually see how it stretches.
She said that although skin definitely changes during pregnancy, and although pregnancy is obviously the worst possible time to remove a mole from the stomach, she wants to remove it ASAP. I go back Monday afternoon. It had stretched from 8mm to 11mm, and none of the other moles on my belly had stretched the same way during this pregnancy, and she said that she's just not going to take any chances with me, because any time a mole changes, you have to be concerned with melanoma. And though she doesn't think it's melanoma, she didn't think the mystery bruise was a super-rare form of skin cancer either. As she said, "Sometimes bad things happen to good people...twice. And I'm just not going to take any chances with you."
Which I'm thankful for. But also? A little bit terrified. Because melanoma is a big, scary word. And I know that we have no idea whether or not this little mole is or isn't melanoma yet, but it's hard for me not to go there...last time around, the answer was, "Yes, you have skin cancer." It's hard for me not to assume that's going to be the answer again this time (though for the record, the type I had previously does not increase my chances for any other kind of skin cancer in the future). I know that's not necessarily logical, but that's just the way my brain works.
And honestly? I just don't want to do it all again. I don't want to do the waiting and worrying. I don't want to do the months and months of paying doctors and hospitals. I don't want to do the weeks of not being able to physically pick up Lizzy...because even after stitches are removed, the skin is only at 10% strength. I definitely don't want to do whatever it is that comes after this if it IS skin cancer. Again.
And when I got in the car, and that song that goes "what if blessings come through raindrops" was on the radio, and I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. Because although it's true, and I saw it in my own life last time around, I don't want to do it again. No gracias. And so right now, no matter how many Bible verses or devotions I read, or how many pages of scribbled frantic handwriting I jot into my prayer journal...right now...the bottom line is that I'm just a little bit scared. A little bit overwhelmed.
Sigh. Again.
She simply said that we'll watch it, and to remind her to look at it the next time I came in. So this time I did--and I figured that it was actually kind of a good thing I was pregnant, because it meant that she could actually see how it stretches.
She said that although skin definitely changes during pregnancy, and although pregnancy is obviously the worst possible time to remove a mole from the stomach, she wants to remove it ASAP. I go back Monday afternoon. It had stretched from 8mm to 11mm, and none of the other moles on my belly had stretched the same way during this pregnancy, and she said that she's just not going to take any chances with me, because any time a mole changes, you have to be concerned with melanoma. And though she doesn't think it's melanoma, she didn't think the mystery bruise was a super-rare form of skin cancer either. As she said, "Sometimes bad things happen to good people...twice. And I'm just not going to take any chances with you."
Which I'm thankful for. But also? A little bit terrified. Because melanoma is a big, scary word. And I know that we have no idea whether or not this little mole is or isn't melanoma yet, but it's hard for me not to go there...last time around, the answer was, "Yes, you have skin cancer." It's hard for me not to assume that's going to be the answer again this time (though for the record, the type I had previously does not increase my chances for any other kind of skin cancer in the future). I know that's not necessarily logical, but that's just the way my brain works.
And honestly? I just don't want to do it all again. I don't want to do the waiting and worrying. I don't want to do the months and months of paying doctors and hospitals. I don't want to do the weeks of not being able to physically pick up Lizzy...because even after stitches are removed, the skin is only at 10% strength. I definitely don't want to do whatever it is that comes after this if it IS skin cancer. Again.
And when I got in the car, and that song that goes "what if blessings come through raindrops" was on the radio, and I wasn't sure whether to laugh or cry. Because although it's true, and I saw it in my own life last time around, I don't want to do it again. No gracias. And so right now, no matter how many Bible verses or devotions I read, or how many pages of scribbled frantic handwriting I jot into my prayer journal...right now...the bottom line is that I'm just a little bit scared. A little bit overwhelmed.
Sigh. Again.
Tuesday, July 10, 2012
This morning....
-I'm thinking of the stuffed zucchini recipe that I made for dinner last night. I was inspired by this awesome recipe from Annie's Eats:
But I was running short on time and ingredients, and so I just combined ground beef, pasta sauce, and sprinkled a bit of parmesan cheese on top (and baked in a water bath). They were delicious. I think Justin ate 3 of them. So, I can't even imagine how much more delicious the Annie's Eats version would be!
-I'm nervous about my skin cancer follow-up appointment tomorrow afternoon, even though I don't have any reason to think that I should be.
-I'm beyond irritated with OHSU, who handled the skin cancer fiasco, and who also sent me a letter that we received yesterday saying that they'd be sending us to collections as of today for non-payment.
Only? According to my records and my bank account, we last made a payment on 6/11/12 over the phone...so I have no idea what this "non-payment" crap is about. Literally, every month since the procedure in January, there has been some sort of issue with OHSU, and I'm tired of spending time each month on the phone with them trying to explain how they've messed up...again. I've done my share of paying on medical bills in my life, and literally no one has handled it as poorly as OHSU.
-I'm excited about the raspberry freezer jam that I made yesterday. If you've ever wanted to make jam, you should check out this photo tutorial that I did last year, because it literally takes 30 minutes and is the easiest and best thing in the world. And there's no cooking or baking involved whatsoever.
-I'm loving this photo that Kaitlin snapped of Lizzy last Monday while we were all berry picking. I totally stole it off Facebook. Speaking of berry picking...I really probably should, you know, WASH the blueberries that we picked a week ago, and actually do something with them.
-I'm excited about this stack of books that I got at the library for $1, total. Love their fill-a-bag sales!
-I'm still laughing about the shirt that I got for Justin (bottom photo) on clearance for $3 for himwhile he and the other Justin tried their hand at making beer for the first time this past weekend. They've totally decided that their first batch of beer will be the BEST! BEER! EVER! (even if it doesn't turn out), just because they made it. I think they're probably right!
But I was running short on time and ingredients, and so I just combined ground beef, pasta sauce, and sprinkled a bit of parmesan cheese on top (and baked in a water bath). They were delicious. I think Justin ate 3 of them. So, I can't even imagine how much more delicious the Annie's Eats version would be!
-I'm nervous about my skin cancer follow-up appointment tomorrow afternoon, even though I don't have any reason to think that I should be.
-I'm beyond irritated with OHSU, who handled the skin cancer fiasco, and who also sent me a letter that we received yesterday saying that they'd be sending us to collections as of today for non-payment.
Only? According to my records and my bank account, we last made a payment on 6/11/12 over the phone...so I have no idea what this "non-payment" crap is about. Literally, every month since the procedure in January, there has been some sort of issue with OHSU, and I'm tired of spending time each month on the phone with them trying to explain how they've messed up...again. I've done my share of paying on medical bills in my life, and literally no one has handled it as poorly as OHSU.
-I'm excited about the raspberry freezer jam that I made yesterday. If you've ever wanted to make jam, you should check out this photo tutorial that I did last year, because it literally takes 30 minutes and is the easiest and best thing in the world. And there's no cooking or baking involved whatsoever.
-I'm loving this photo that Kaitlin snapped of Lizzy last Monday while we were all berry picking. I totally stole it off Facebook. Speaking of berry picking...I really probably should, you know, WASH the blueberries that we picked a week ago, and actually do something with them.
-I'm excited about this stack of books that I got at the library for $1, total. Love their fill-a-bag sales!
-I'm still laughing about the shirt that I got for Justin (bottom photo) on clearance for $3 for himwhile he and the other Justin tried their hand at making beer for the first time this past weekend. They've totally decided that their first batch of beer will be the BEST! BEER! EVER! (even if it doesn't turn out), just because they made it. I think they're probably right!
Monday, June 25, 2012
Today, I am...
{SO STINKING EXCITED} for our "big" ultrasound appointment tomorrow afternoon. Seriously. Kait offered to do a gender reveal photo shoot for us, which would have been fun, but I just didn't want to wait one more second longer than 2pm tomorrow afternoon! Sorry Kait, lol!
{totally exhausted} after a mostly great, but really busy weekend. The big children's event that Justin and I have been planning for church was on Saturday, and it's nice to be done! About half the people who signed up to run carnival game stations for us just didn't show up the day of...so that was interesting. And stressful. But, there was a giant inflatable obstacle course there, so I'm not sure that the kids even really noticed the craziness behind the scenes, or even that there were no snow-cones this year. Okay, so they probably noticed the lack of snow-cones, but hopefully had fun anyway!
{bummed} that in the midst of the crazy day on Saturday, our anniversary got lost in the shuffle. I don't think Justin or I ever even said "Happy Anniversary!" to each other. If it weren't for some awesome and thoughtful cards from family, I think it probably would have gone completely unmentioned! I hope we get to take some time to have a date soon, though I'm not sure when that will be, because we are booked every single night for the next week!
{hopeful} that I'll make a big dent in our laundry pile today.
{loving} this Pinterest tip to use hot vinegar and Dawn dish-soap as a tub/shower cleaner. It totally works. Our shower was so dirty that I didn't even realize how dirty it was anymore...and this? Awesome. In fact, now that I know what sparkly-white looks like, I just may need to clean it again to get it 100% there.
{giddy} that the library finally has Insurgent waiting for me to pick it up today!
{stumped} about what to make for dinner!
{marginally irritated} that Justin got summoned for jury duty again. He seriously gets summoned more than anyone I know. I know it's his civic duty and all, but for us it basically just means three days of him not getting paid, and for people on a budget like ours, that SUCKS. And considering the fact that he has been summoned every single year and I *never* have, it's a little irritating! I wish I could go in his place!
{loving} snuggling with Lizzy watching Dora on this cloudy, rainy morning.
{excited} for Justin, and the early birthday present (his birthday is Wednesday) that he got from my parents. I don't think they knew this, but the toolbox that they got for him was exactly what I was hoping to get for him, but just couldn't swing this month.
{totally exhausted} after a mostly great, but really busy weekend. The big children's event that Justin and I have been planning for church was on Saturday, and it's nice to be done! About half the people who signed up to run carnival game stations for us just didn't show up the day of...so that was interesting. And stressful. But, there was a giant inflatable obstacle course there, so I'm not sure that the kids even really noticed the craziness behind the scenes, or even that there were no snow-cones this year. Okay, so they probably noticed the lack of snow-cones, but hopefully had fun anyway!
{bummed} that in the midst of the crazy day on Saturday, our anniversary got lost in the shuffle. I don't think Justin or I ever even said "Happy Anniversary!" to each other. If it weren't for some awesome and thoughtful cards from family, I think it probably would have gone completely unmentioned! I hope we get to take some time to have a date soon, though I'm not sure when that will be, because we are booked every single night for the next week!
{hopeful} that I'll make a big dent in our laundry pile today.
{loving} this Pinterest tip to use hot vinegar and Dawn dish-soap as a tub/shower cleaner. It totally works. Our shower was so dirty that I didn't even realize how dirty it was anymore...and this? Awesome. In fact, now that I know what sparkly-white looks like, I just may need to clean it again to get it 100% there.
{giddy} that the library finally has Insurgent waiting for me to pick it up today!
{stumped} about what to make for dinner!
{marginally irritated} that Justin got summoned for jury duty again. He seriously gets summoned more than anyone I know. I know it's his civic duty and all, but for us it basically just means three days of him not getting paid, and for people on a budget like ours, that SUCKS. And considering the fact that he has been summoned every single year and I *never* have, it's a little irritating! I wish I could go in his place!
{loving} snuggling with Lizzy watching Dora on this cloudy, rainy morning.
{excited} for Justin, and the early birthday present (his birthday is Wednesday) that he got from my parents. I don't think they knew this, but the toolbox that they got for him was exactly what I was hoping to get for him, but just couldn't swing this month.
Also, I'm pretty sure Lizzy was just as excited about the box it came in!
Friday, June 1, 2012
Food Stamp Budget Grocery Shopping
As I mentioned in this post about the 2012 Farm Bill, one of the most important (and most hotly debated) part of the whole bill is the section that funds the SNAP (Food Stamps) program. I challenged my readers to live on the "food stamps budget", which is about $31 per person per week ($496 per month for a family of four) before making a decision about whether they think the program should be cut or extended. As a side note, the actual subsidy that a person receives on food stamps varies by their income, but for these purposes, the $31/week seems to be the generally accepted amount.
In the above linked post, I also mentioned that our family grocery budget is often right about $200 per month. And honestly, it didn't get down to that level until it was a necessity rather than an ideal. Some months, when we have more discretionary income, that number creeps back up to $300 or so. But the past few months have been tight money-wise. Honestly, in the past few months, we're sometimes scrambling to sell things on Craigslist or have a garage sale to make ends meet, so nearly every category of our budget has been slashed. It isn't always fun...to be totally honest, after Justin called me and told me the amount of his paycheck yesterday, I stomped my feet and cried and yelled at God that I was tired of all this trusting in Him for provision business, and that I just wanted to be able to go buy a baby outfit after our gender ultrasound this month, or go out to dinner for our anniversary...or build our farmhouse table, or just to be able to buy some darn cookies at the grocery store. It sucks not to have discretionary money in the budget. But then I came across this on Pinterest again:
I don't care whether all the statistics are accurate--it was the reality check that I needed. It might suck to feel like we're poor, but even so, we are richer and more blessed than most. And those things I stomped my feet and yelled at God about? None of them are necessities, really. And the things that are necessities? Have been provided for in miraculous ways. So, I got myself together, and did what I always do on the last day of the month--a meal plan. And then I went grocery shopping, with our $200 budget in mind--which I know is just reality for lots of families, on food stamps or not. I try to shop once every two weeks, buying the bigger items such as cheese and meat at the beginning of the month. I buy produce and milk as needed. If all goes according to plan, I intend to take photos of what all we're eating this week and post them next Friday, so I won't go into the whole meal plan. Anyway, here's what I got:
In the above linked post, I also mentioned that our family grocery budget is often right about $200 per month. And honestly, it didn't get down to that level until it was a necessity rather than an ideal. Some months, when we have more discretionary income, that number creeps back up to $300 or so. But the past few months have been tight money-wise. Honestly, in the past few months, we're sometimes scrambling to sell things on Craigslist or have a garage sale to make ends meet, so nearly every category of our budget has been slashed. It isn't always fun...to be totally honest, after Justin called me and told me the amount of his paycheck yesterday, I stomped my feet and cried and yelled at God that I was tired of all this trusting in Him for provision business, and that I just wanted to be able to go buy a baby outfit after our gender ultrasound this month, or go out to dinner for our anniversary...or build our farmhouse table, or just to be able to buy some darn cookies at the grocery store. It sucks not to have discretionary money in the budget. But then I came across this on Pinterest again:
I don't care whether all the statistics are accurate--it was the reality check that I needed. It might suck to feel like we're poor, but even so, we are richer and more blessed than most. And those things I stomped my feet and yelled at God about? None of them are necessities, really. And the things that are necessities? Have been provided for in miraculous ways. So, I got myself together, and did what I always do on the last day of the month--a meal plan. And then I went grocery shopping, with our $200 budget in mind--which I know is just reality for lots of families, on food stamps or not. I try to shop once every two weeks, buying the bigger items such as cheese and meat at the beginning of the month. I buy produce and milk as needed. If all goes according to plan, I intend to take photos of what all we're eating this week and post them next Friday, so I won't go into the whole meal plan. Anyway, here's what I got:
{Please excuse my dirty floors}
Here's the run-down....keep in mind that we have meat in the freezer from our cow purchase.
5 dozen eggs- $5.98
16 oz frozen corn- $0.95
String cheese- $2.98
32oz Raspberry yogurt- $1.98
10 individual yogurts- $.44 each
2 eight ounce blocks of neufatchel cream cheese- $1.18 each
Shredded mozzarella cheese- $5.98
2lb block of cheddar cheese- $4.88
Two packages of Bar-S Bacon- $1.99 each
Large Jimmy Dean sausage- $5.89
2 packs frozen hash browns- $1.18 each
Frozen blackberries- $2.38
Frozen raspberries- $2.68
Original Yumm Sauce- $5.34
Sliced mushrooms- $1.49
Baby carrots- $0.79
Red Delicious apples- 2.83 pounds @ $0.89/lb
Jarred Applesauce- $1.88
Two 16 count flour tortilla- $4.68 each
10 pounds unbleached flour- $3.66
2 cans tomato sauce- two for $0.99 total
2 packets Italian dressing mix- $0.55 each
Three pack of fast-rising yeast- $0.88
Whole-wheat Ritz-$2.98
2 large cans of spaghetti sauce- $0.88 each
Folgers Coffee (small container)- $3.88
Jar of crushed garlic- $1.69
Red bell peppers- 0.64 pounds @ $1.98/lb
Bananas- 4.41 pounds @ $0.54/lb
5 pounds of potatoes- $1.49
Yellow Squash- 0.98 pounds @ $0.79/lb
Fuji apples- 3.29 pounds @$0.89/lb
Jar of medium black olives- $0.98
Green onions- $0.59
Two large cans baked beans- $1.78 each
Two loaves wheat bread- $2.18 each
Two containers strawberries- $1.48 each
6 oz blueberries- $1.89
Peaches-2.01 pounds @ $1.49/lb
Calico Cheese- $2.13
Total: $125.21, leaving $74.79 for the rest of the month. I'll keep y'all posted :)
Tuesday, April 24, 2012
Yesterday
Yesterday, while I was elbow deep in dishwater, Lizzy unlocked the front door and ran outside, despite my cries of "Lizzy! NO! YOU COME BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"
A few hours later, the wind kicked up into high gear, and I dashed outside barefoot to grab a ball that we'd left outside before it blew away. Lizzy locked me out of the house, and would not come unlock the front door no matter how much I screamed. For some reason, Justin had also taken the garage door opener out of my car and not returned it. So, me and my bare feet were left outside...where it had now started raining...and I had the distinct privilege of trying to navigate the mud pit that is currently our backyard barefooted and in the rain.
I got inside, did the whole timeout thing, talked about how the DOOR IS NOW OFF LIMITS for Lizzy, etc. Justin got home, and I did a little happy dance, because the entire day had basically been what was described in the above two paragraphs.
And then after dinner, Justin went outside to fix something on his truck. Within minutes, I had taken away a popsicle after 3 warnings that it had to be eaten at the table instead of while dancing around, apparently pretending it was a magical wand. In the last occasion before I took it away, Lizzy tip toed over, stuck only her big toe in the living room, and then laughed. Actually, Lizzy ended up taking away the popsicle from herself at that point, as before I could reach her to take it away, she'd thrown the thing on the floor. So much for the floors I'd just mopped earlier.
Once she'd calmed down from that fiasco, I told her that it had been awhile, and she needed to go sit on the toilet. With the amount of tears and drama that ensued, you'd think I'd have just told her that her cat died. Lizzy finally calmed down and said she'd sit on the toilet...she went to grab a book, and peed on the rug instead...and then laughed. I am 100% certain that she did it on purpose. And I about lost it. I didn't know whether to scream or cry.
Thank God for Justin, who came inside at this point during my mental-breakdown and promptly took over by getting her into a bath. And then last night, I had dreams about the biggest darn margarita you ever did see. And it was glorious.
Here's hoping today goes more smoothly...
A few hours later, the wind kicked up into high gear, and I dashed outside barefoot to grab a ball that we'd left outside before it blew away. Lizzy locked me out of the house, and would not come unlock the front door no matter how much I screamed. For some reason, Justin had also taken the garage door opener out of my car and not returned it. So, me and my bare feet were left outside...where it had now started raining...and I had the distinct privilege of trying to navigate the mud pit that is currently our backyard barefooted and in the rain.
I got inside, did the whole timeout thing, talked about how the DOOR IS NOW OFF LIMITS for Lizzy, etc. Justin got home, and I did a little happy dance, because the entire day had basically been what was described in the above two paragraphs.
And then after dinner, Justin went outside to fix something on his truck. Within minutes, I had taken away a popsicle after 3 warnings that it had to be eaten at the table instead of while dancing around, apparently pretending it was a magical wand. In the last occasion before I took it away, Lizzy tip toed over, stuck only her big toe in the living room, and then laughed. Actually, Lizzy ended up taking away the popsicle from herself at that point, as before I could reach her to take it away, she'd thrown the thing on the floor. So much for the floors I'd just mopped earlier.
Once she'd calmed down from that fiasco, I told her that it had been awhile, and she needed to go sit on the toilet. With the amount of tears and drama that ensued, you'd think I'd have just told her that her cat died. Lizzy finally calmed down and said she'd sit on the toilet...she went to grab a book, and peed on the rug instead...and then laughed. I am 100% certain that she did it on purpose. And I about lost it. I didn't know whether to scream or cry.
Thank God for Justin, who came inside at this point during my mental-breakdown and promptly took over by getting her into a bath. And then last night, I had dreams about the biggest darn margarita you ever did see. And it was glorious.
Here's hoping today goes more smoothly...
Wednesday, March 21, 2012
Thursday Thoughts on Wednesday (Edited)
{one}
Last night, our BRAND NEW Vizio Blu-Ray player that we received as a Christmas gift stopped working. It turns on, and then turns itself right back off. Of course, it stopped working on the day that I rented a movie that I actually wanted to see instead of one for Justin. Unfortunately, Vizio said that it needs to be replaced, but that I'll have to ask the gifter for the receipt before they'll do anything (which was my parents, so that may not be an issue, but still). Is it just me, or is that a terrible policy? I'll definitely think twice before buying a Vizio anything in the future, especially if I'm giving it as a gift. And also, we're darn lucky that it stopped working AFTER we removed a Redbox, or we'd have one heck of a bill on our hands...which I'm sure Vizio would say was our fault! I'm a little grumpy about it!ETA: Even after submitting the receipt, apparently in order to replace the blu-ray player, they have to charge my credit card the price paid, and then ship a new one to arrive in 8-11 days. They'll then refund/release the funds on my credit card once I send back the new one. If I don't want to provide a credit card, I have to pay for shipping and it will take 16-20 days to replace. REALLY? This is terrible. I think we're going to see if the store will replace instead. Why does this stuff always happen to me?
{two}
We've had rain all week. I keep trying to remind myself that rain = beautiful flowers.{three}
Speaking of flowers, did you know that if you forgot to plant bulbs last fall, you can usually buy sprouted bulbs from garden centers for plants that flower this year? I bought some additional hyacinth and tulips that I think I may put into a pot on the patio this year and then transplant elsewhere in the fall.{four}
I really didn't mean for this to be a negative "downer" post, but I'm pretty much ready to go back to bed and call it a day and it's only 7:56am. In addition to the Vizio irritation, in the past 5 minutes, Lizzy has full-on hit her cousin, refused to sit in a time out, and then dumped her glass of milk on the floor on purpose. When I told her that was naughty, she then started to scream "NO! I'M A GOOD GIRL!" at the top of her lungs, which she has continued to scream for the last 3 minutes. I'm straight up ignoring her right now.{five}
Obviously, ignoring her was a bad idea, or maybe giving her more milk was...either way, she just dumped a second glass of milk on the floor. Awesome. Like I said, ready to call it a day here.{six}
My date with Justin to see Hunger Games is in three days. All I can say is that if for any reason we do not get to go, I will cry. For REAL.{seven}
Lizzy just said, "Dora is my favorite color." I have no idea what that means, but at least it made me laugh.Hope your Wednesday is off to a better start than mine! Man, what I'd give for some chocolate right now!
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