The Good, The Bad, & The Ugly

I feel like life has been a whirlwind lately. I feel like we've been going and going non-stop, but yet when people say, "Oh, what have you been up to?!"...I have no real answer. I don't know what we've been up to really, just that it's been crazy!

Justin worked out of town for almost a week, in the midst of the crazy no-one-allowed-outside smoke. Not Allowed Outside + Solo Parenting = I Almost Lost My Shit On Day 2. So, we packed up and went to visit my parents for awhile.

Thank goodness for family nearby. That week was exhausting, and not one that I hope to have to repeat any time soon!

Becca's newest two tricks are "give snuggles" and "give kisses". I don't know if you've ever experienced a baby that's just learning to snuggle and kiss, but those suckers are AGGRESSIVE. And God-forbid that you try to reciprocate and hug back. No. That's not in her plan.

In the past week, I also celebrated a birthday! I had a great evening hanging with the family and having pizza. All of us have been busy lately, and it was just such a blessing to all actually be in the same place for once! It was truly a great day. And then that night, someone tried to steal our car.

I woke up in the morning, and saw our car left down the street and in the middle of the road. I still don't know how this happened, because we were both up most of the night with Becca. But it did. This meant that what was supposed to be a relaxing Friday was suddenly filled with sherrifs and fingerprinting and trying to make lists of what all was taken...because apparently, when he realized that he couldn't turn the steering wheel without keys, he got mad and loaded himself up with stuff from our car. I don't know if you've ever played that baby shower game where they bring out a tray of stuff for you to look at, and then a bit later they bring out another tray and you have to write down what's missing...but it was like that. There are a few things that you know are gone right away, but then you continue to find new things every day that you didn't even realize were gone until you needed to use them.

Like the Ergo (which we later found dumped in a field near our house). Or a cell-phone charger. Or a set of keys that the guy probably thought were house keys but weren't and will be of no use to him. Basically, nothing particularly valuable, but all stuff that we use a lot. I feel like every day we find something else, and it makes me SO MAD all over again. But yesterday takes the cake: we got to swim lessons, and discovered that Lizzy's goggles were gone.  WHAT KIND OF JERK STEALS A THREE YEAR OLD'S SWIM GOGGLES?! I mean, really.

Sigh. I'm over it. I'm over thinking about it, but I can't STOP thinking about it, because the police also mentioned that they may have an idea of who was involved, and it's someone who recently held someone at knifepoint. Oh, and he also likes to try and break in to people's houses WHILE THEY ARE HOME. Ugh. I've been battling some serious anxiety about all this.

Which brings me to the next thing... my sister-in-law's dog just had 11 puppies. The dad is a lab, and the mom is a rottweiler (I feel like we say "rottweiler", and people instinctively wince, but she's a super sweet dog). Justin has really been wanting to get a puppy, and I've been pretty on the fence, because I feel like a puppy needs nearly the same amount of attention that a kid does, and I'm not trying to get any less sleep and/or rest than I already do. On the other hand, Justin has pretty firmly argued that the best time to get a dog would be now, so that the dog and the kids can grow up together. The car incident has me leaning a bit more towards getting the dog , but honestly, I'm still just a bit worried. I just feel really overwhelmed and unable to keep up with the basics like dishes and laundry as it is, and I worry about adding anything else to the mix.

Other than that, there's been lots of baseball/softball, and that bumps up to twice a week starting this week.

I mean, I like seeing my husband's butt in baseball pants and all...but it would be nice to see his face occasionally too ;)

There's been some bad/ugly, but there's also been a lot of good, and hopefully some memories made. And I'm so thankful. 

Day in the Life: May 2013

It's been awhile since I've done one of these Day in the Life posts...in fact, I'm not sure that I've done one since Becca was born. And since I can't even remember last week, I know there's no way that I'll remember these little details unless I write them all down. So...here's a look into a day in my life right now!

Tuesday May 28th, 2013:

2am- Becca is awake. I bring her back into our room, and nurse her in bed. Usually she falls right back asleep, but she didn't today. At about 3am, she's drowsy so I lay her back down in her crib, and she seems to go back down without a fuss...which is a miracle! We lay her down drowsy but awake at bedtime and she'll put herself to sleep just fine, but that doesn't normally happen for night wakeups or naps. Maybe I got lucky tonight?!

3:10am- Lizzy comes into our room and crawls into bed. I ask her what's wrong, and she says that she doesn't want the giant to knock her over. Should I walk her back to her room? Yes, probably. But I fall asleep before I do.

3:15am- Becca's screaming hysterically. I pick her up and try to soothe her, but it doesn't seem to help at all. I'm actually not sure that she's even awake. After 15 minutes of holding and rocking her while she screams, I go give her a dose of Tylenol. Maybe she's teething and hurts? At about 3:30, Justin comes out, and I pass Becca off to him.

3:40am- I think Becca's asleep. She calmed down almost immediately after I gave her the Tylenol...maybe that was all she needed? Justin comes back to bed. Lizzy karate chops me in the stomach...ouch. Praying fervently that Becca stays asleep!

4:00am- Becca's screaming again. It's one of THOSE days, apparently. I bring her back to bed with us, and she wants to comfort nurse. It's amazing how small a king size bed can feel when you add two kids to the mix.

5:50am- Becca sits up suddenly. Apparently, she's done nursing, and is wide awake and ready to play.

6:05am- I bring Becca out to the living room so that she (hopefully) doesn't wake Lizzy. I put her in the exersaucer, and lay down on the couch. I set the timer on my phone for 15 minutes, hoping to get a power nap while she plays.

6:19am- Becca starts fussing. It's as if she KNEW there was one minute left until my alarm was going to go off! She's rooting around, and wants to nurse again. Weird, she doesn't normally eat this often!

6:40am- I wrap Becca up in a blanket, and we snuggle on the couch. Justin is leaving for work, so he stops over for kisses and goodbyes. I turn on the TV and lay Becca on my chest. She's asleep by about 7am. I lay her down in her crib, and lay down on the couch, hoping that maybe I'll actually get a little more time to sleep.

7:05am- So much for that idea. Lizzy's awake, and also just woke up Becca by yelling "GOOD MORNING EVERYONE!" Yeah. Good morning to you too Lizzy.

7:20am- Becca's back asleep. I make coffee and breakfast for Lizzy and I. She requests coffee and then giggles hysterically. She ends up with some yogurt, and I have a wheat bagel with peanut butter, some fruit, and coffee.

7:35am- I hear Becca fuss again. I run back and shove her pacifier in her mouth. I think she's asleep again! Happy dance in the hallway.

7:40am- Lizzy goes to get dressed. Usually, we lay out her clothes for the whole week, but I haven't yet so she picks something out--a black long sleeve shirt with candy canes and  black leggings. Oh well, not a battle I'm going to fight today. She'll change if she's too warm. I put on a TV show for Lizzy and finally sit down to eat my breakfast. If I can, I also like to work on the Bible reading plan I'm doing--right now, I'm reading through the New Testament chronologically. I jot down a couple of notes and then move on to prepping Lizzy's notebook for school.

8-8:39am- School time for Lizzy. Today, we worked on tracing her name, a few sight words, matching colors, a simple addition problem, a Bible Verse, and some time drawing. Lizzy has just started drawing people, and it's adorable. Today, when I ask her to draw a picture of herself, she draws herself holding hands with her cousin Payton. She's adorable.

8:39am- Becca's awake, but isn't upset. I let her hang in her crib so that I can color in a coloring book with Lizzy for a bit longer.

8:45am- Lizzy and I go get Becca out of her crib. We all snuggle on the couch for a bit, and then I feed Becca.

9:20am- I put Becca on the floor with Lizzy while I go to the bathroom. Side Note: 9 times out of 10, I find myself saying, "I need to go potty." Which is fine when you're with your 3 year old...but sounds much crazier when you're talking to a group of adults. Anyway...I come out 30 seconds later, and find Becca on the couch with Lizzy. Lizzy says, "I picked her up! We're snuggling!" We have a conversation at least once a day about how it isn't safe for Lizzy to pick up Becca quite yet.

9:25-10:30am- The girls play in the living room while I do some situps, squats, and pushups. I've been trying to do a few of each on the days that we don't do Couch to 5k. And by "I've been trying", I mean that I've done it for two days. Anyway...I'm on the floor, so naturally I become a human jungle gym! After that, I pay some bills while the girls play a bit more, which goes much more slowly than normal due to about 3 timeouts for Lizzy for kicking and throwing toys.

10:35am- Becca won't make eye contact any more, so I know she's getting sleepy again. I wrap her up in a blanket, and we snuggle on the couch for awhile before I lay her down at about 11am.

11:15am- Suddenly, there are guys with jackhammers right outside our house. Am I being punked? I brace myself for a wakeup, but Becca stays asleep, so I fold and put away a mountain of laundry while Lizzy plays on our bed. 

11:30am- I make Lizzy and I lunch, and we sit together and eat at the counter.

12:00pm- Becca's awake and hungry. I nurse her and then feed her some real food too.  Lizzy heads to her room for some quiet time before her swimming lessons later. She usually has quiet time from about 12-2pm. Of that time, Lizzy usually only spends a little over an hour actually in her room. The rest of the time is spent going potty, or coming out due to some crazy excuse (my nose itches, there's something in my teeth, I heard an airplane, etc)

12:15-1pm- Becca and I read a couple of books, but she's way more interested in playing with Lizzy's legos. We play together for awhile, and then I set her in the clothes basket with them to play while I pick up the living room a bit. Becca pulls herself to standing inside the basket and tips it over. It scared her big time, and she cries. I pick her up and give her snuggles. She snuggles right in, and closes her eyes

1:30pm- Becca's asleep, so I lay her down in her crib. This is UNHEARD of--I can almost never seem to get Becca's naptime and Lizzy's quiet time to overlap! BEST DAY EVER!

1:40pm- Lizzy starts playing her guitar and singing at the top of her lungs, which wakes up Becca. Of course. Crap. I pat her back until she's asleep again...about 1:50ish?

1:50-2:15pm- I use the next few minutes to transfer some music to my phone for our C25K run tomorrow. I also transfer all my photos from my phone to the laptop. Exciting stuff!

2:15-2:45pm- I get a snack for Lizzy, and help her find a swimsuit, towel, and goggles for swimming lessons. Becca's up at about 2:30pm, and her shirt is totally wet from drool. Please pop through already, little teeth! Change Becca's clothes, and we're out the door by 2:45pm.

3:00-3:30pm- Swim lessons for Lizzy. Today is water safety day. Part of the day is putting on lifejackets and practicing rescue floating. Lizzy is totally fine floating on her back without a lifejacket, but put a lifejacket on the girl, and she FREAKS OUT in the water. She hates being in the water with a lifejacket. Becca watches with a combination of terror and amazement--she does NOT like Lizzy in goggles.

3:30-4:00pm- I help Lizzy shower in the locker room and then we get her dressed. I have some quarters in the diaper bag, so on our way home we swing by Taco Bell to get a $1 slush/limeade for Lizzy and me.

4:15pm- We're home. I get the chicken for dinner in a marinade, and then sit down on the couch with Becca to look up a recipe on my phone. I look down, and Becca is asleep. Okaaaaayyyyy. Becca doesn't usually nap again before dinner, but I won't complain. We have a meeting tonight anyway and may be home late, so it's probably good that she's napping.

4:20-5:10pm- Lizzy helps me get dinner ready. We're having teriyaki chicken, and Lizzy likes to help "paint" the chicken with sauce.

5:10-5:35pm- Justin is home! So good to see him! He wrestles on the floor with Lizzy a bit. Becca wakes up, and I bring her into the living room. When Justin says hi, she waves!!! We do this several more times, and she waves every time. We all clap and cheer loudly, and Becca grins. Love her. 

5:40pm-7:00pm- We plate up dinner and then hop in the car. Justin and I are on the church council, and we have a meeting tonight. We also need to spend some time at church prepping for a big community BBQ and carnival that Justin and I are in charge of. It's only a couple of weeks away and I feel really behind this year! The girls are thrilled to see their Uncle Stump and Papa at church :) We also see Chuck, who gives Justin the baseball schedule for the year--whew. I've felt like our June was kind of on hold until I knew when his games would be!

7:00-8:00pm- We run to Wal-Mart to pick up milk, stamps, and a few other things. On the way home, we stop by Ryan and Renee's house to drop some things off, and we all talk for a few minutes. All the kids climb in the backseat and talk and laugh. Such a blessing to live so close! By 8pm, we're home and starting the bedtime routine. By 8:30pm, everyone is in jammies, teeth brushed, Bible Story read, prayers said, and Justin lays Lizzy down while I feed Becca one last time.

8:45pm- I lay Becca down. She's awake, and fusses for a few minutes, but is asleep by about 9pm. Justin and I each do some chores around the house--dishes, putting away laundry, etc. I make a chocolate mug cake, and it's pretty meh.

9:30pm- Justin and I snuggle on the couch and watch a couple episodes of How I Met Your Mother. We just found the show on Netflix recently, and have been working our way through the seasons. I love this part of the day.

10:30pm- We head to bed. I'm sure Becca will be up in a couple hours (yep), so I've gotta get some sleep while I can! GOODNIGHT!

(Sidenote: I'm sad that Justin is missing from the pictures! I actually did take a couple of photos that he was in, but he was wearing his work shirt with his company name clearly visible, so I elected to omit them. But he was here!)

One Week Postpartum

*Note: This post is about all the gory postpartum details via survey stolen and (slightly modified) from Kristal. Fair warning. Just saying. 

How far along were you when you had your baby? 39 weeks

How long was labor? About an hour and a half from the "pop" that I thought was my water breaking until delivery. And of that, probably 15-20 minutes was the nurses telling me not to push. So...yeah. I am totally terrified about what this means for any future kiddos.

Total weight gain: About 27 pounds

Total weight loss so far: About 12 pounds. I'm about 15 pounds away from pre-pregnancy weight. Even though the weight loss isn't as much as I would like, I have been surprised at how quickly my belly is shrinking back down this time. Here's a photo from this morning: 

Which I think is similar to where I was about one month postpartum with Lizzy (at which point I was about 18 pounds above pre-pregnancy weight): 

I didn't start talking about weight loss and such until I was about a month postpartum with Lizzy, so I don't know whether I lost all the weight initially and then just didn't lose any more until I started working out, or whether it was a steady loss up until that month point...it will be interesting to see how things go this time around. 

How is physical recovery going? Pretty well. I'm starting to get a little itchy and sore around the areas where I have stitches, which is uncomfortable, but not terrible. On Monday night, I was REALLY achy and sore all over, and then started to get the chills, and eventually a low-grade fever of about 100 degrees. I was pretty sure I was dying of sepsis, and was ready to call my OB at like 1am. Justin convinced me to take some ibuprofen and wait a couple hours to see what happened. The fever broke about 3am, and I'm still alive (obviously). Since then, I've learned from Dr. Google that a low-grade fever is normal for some women when their milk comes in...which it did on Monday. So, I'm guessing that was that. 

What do you miss about being pregnant? Not a darn thing. I tolerate pregnancy in order to get the baby out of it, but I don't really enjoy it at all. 

How is nursing going?  It's going well.  Rebecca latched on almost immediately after being born, and nursing has been easier with her than it ever was with Lizzy, who sucked her tongue in utero. Rebecca pretty much nurses all the time, which is also a lot different than Lizzy. With Lizzy, I'd be lucky to get her to nurse for 15 minutes every three hours. With Rebecca, on Monday we watched 3 or 4 episodes of a TV show on Netflix, and I nursed her at least once per 42 minute episode. So overall, it's going well...that's not to say that it isn't toe-curlingly painful when she first latches on, but it is much, much better than it was with Lizzy. 
 

Have you taken her out yet?  Yes. We all went to the pediatrician on Monday. Justin went back to work on Tuesday, and on Wednesday I took both girls to the drive-thru at the bank and the Dollar Store. And then I felt like I needed a five hour nap. I wish I had a Moby wrap right about now, 'cause I think that would make taking her out to places like church easier.

How/where does she sleep?  I'm beginning to think that Rebecca is a vampire. Seriously, she does not sleep at night, AT ALL, unless she is being held. I'm not talking sleeping through the night...I'm talking sleeping at ALL during the night. This is bad news, because I am not comfortable co-sleeping at all because of how heavily Justin sleeps. So the last few nights, I've sat down to nurse her, and then woken up in a terror-stricken panic about 15 minutes later. It is not a good situation. 

During the day? She has no problem sleeping. But a lot of good that does me, because it's significantly harder to sleep when the baby sleeps when you also have a toddler. For example, the other morning, I put Rebecca in the swing right next to the couch, put on a movie for Lizzy, and gave Lizzy strict instructions not to get off the couch unless it was to go to the bathroom (in which case, she was to come right back to the couch). I laid down, and cat napped on the couch...and was woken up by Lizzy yelling delightedly, "Mom! I gave baby sister an underdog!!!" 

So yeah. The sleep situation sucks. Lizzy is going to my sister-in-law's house for a couple of hours today, during which time I plan to sleep, sleep, and sleep some more. Hopefully without simultaneously holding a newborn. 

How's the big sister doing? We are in a definite period of adjustment with Lizzy. Most of the time, she is so incredibly sweet with her sister, and it is a joy and a blessing to watch. Lizzy wants to hold her and kiss her all the time, and just loves her to pieces. But on the other hand, I can tell that she's also pushing limits and boundaries big time--like, nearly every time I'm nursing Rebecca, she will get into something that she knows she's not supposed to do, and straight-up ignores me if I tell her to stop, all with this big grin on her face because she knows I'm indisposed. And now if she's mad? Lizzy will let out this absolutely blood curdling scream--something that she never did before, and I have no doubt that she's totally doing it on purpose in order to try and wake up her sister. And that totally makes my blood boil.

I'm trying to be intentional about spending time doing something one-on-one with Lizzy at least once per day while Rebecca is sleeping--painting our nails, coloring, reading books, etc. I try to let Lizzy direct the activity. I know that this is just an adjustment period, so I'm trying not to stress about it too much, even though it has been a little difficult. We've also noticed that Lizzy has really started becoming a lot more attached to Justin--when she's hurt, she wants him. When she wants to snuggle, she wants him. From the minute he walks in the door at night, she is climbing all over him wanting to play and wrestle. Which I don't honestly mind. Sometimes they can totally antagonize each other, so it's nice to watch them bond a little! Justin is doing a great job giving Lizzy extra attention when he is home.

What are you looking forward to? I'm hoping to do some newborn pictures this weekend! It's just been so rainy and dreary lately that I haven't bothered. But we may go to my parents' house for a bit this weekend, and they have a ton of windows, which might actually make it possible.  

A trip to L&D...but no baby.

So. As those of you following along know, as of last Tuesday I was dilated to a near 4, and having lots of contractions, but they just wouldn't settle into any sort of timetable for any consistent amount of time. I'd have the "perfect" 4-1-1 contractions for an hour, and then right when I was getting ready to call, I wouldn't have another contraction for 40 minutes. It was irritating.

Last night Justin had a late playoff softball game. I'd been having contractions for a few hours before the game, but again they were like 8-10 minutes apart...then 4 minutes apart...then 8-10 minutes apart. They were uncomfortable, and I was starting to get really short with Justin and Lizzy if they'd talk to me during them, but I wasn't convinced that they wouldn't just stop all of a sudden like all the other ones. Since the softball fields are much closer to the hospital than our house is, we decided to just pack all of us up and head to Justin's game. Even though it was way past Lizzy's bedtime, I figured that maybe keeping her up late would actually make her sleep in past...oh 5am.

I timed contractions the whole game. Every once in awhile I'd have a big gap of time in between them, but they were still averaging about 4 minutes apart. They were still uncomfortable and I definitely had to breathe through them, but I didn't know what to do because I did NOT want to go to the hospital only to be sent home. Justin convinced me that we should at least call labor and delivery and see about going to get checked, and that it was no biggie if they just sent us home. So, he called and we went in.

I was telling the nurses that I wasn't 100% sure this was it or that the contractions wouldn't just stop again, but that things had gone so quickly with Lizzy and I was already so dilated that I just wanted to come in and make sure that it wasn't it. The sweet nurse assigned to me had actually been to mom's group before, and was so nice and kept telling me that she was glad that I came in and that I did the right thing...which was sweet...but honestly, I just kept thinking 'Yeah...I did the right thing IF I'm in labor.' She checked me, and said that I was dilated to a 5, and could be easily stretched to a 6, and was about 50% effaced. And then the contractions slowed down.

They monitored me for a little while, and then conferred with my OB, who said that we could either just call it a night and go home, or walk for an hour and then be re-checked and see if that either got things going more or if I dilated further. So, Lizzy went home with Stump (who had been at the softball game too), and Justin and I got to walking.

The contractions started picking up in intensity and frequency, and I was eventually leaning on Justin and swaying through them. At the end of the hour, they were about 2 mins apart, and Justin commented that he could tell they were getting more intense. Those suckers HURT. So, the nurse checked me again, and said that I hadn't really dilated or effaced any more. And once I'd laid down to be checked, the contractions had decreased again, so we were on our way home because they didn't really think I was in active labor.

The nurse kept commenting how strange it was to be sending someone home who was dilated to a 5-6, and how I was a total medical outlier in this situation...which is really kind of funny, because if I had a dollar for every time I'd been told that in a medical setting, I'd be a rich girl. Anyway, they sent us off about 12:30 or 1am, with assurances that they were sure they'd be seeing me again soon, maybe even later that night/morning.

And then I cried most of the way home. Because it sucks and it's frustrating, and I'm sore from head to toe even when I get a break from contracting. The contractions are still coming, but have slowed back down a bit since coming home. I've given up timing them for awhile. I slept a little, but not a lot. I'll probably have this baby in the car, because I'm not really sure when to head back in (and will probably second-guess myself like crazy) other than if my water breaks...so I'm kind of praying that my water just breaks and then there's no debate!

Now, I'm just trying to decide whether to take it easy, pop on a movie for Lizzy, and try to get some rest this morning, or whether to pack us up, head into the mall, and walk like crazy trying to get things going again. But that seems like an awful lot of work for something that I'm not convinced will make any difference, because the trick isn't necessarily GETTING things going, but KEEPING them going.

Blah. Sorry to whine, but I'm kinda over this.
 

Day in the Life--Fall 2012

I wanted to document a day in our life this fall...at least once, before baby #2 arrives and everything changes! This was Wednesday October 17th, and it was a busier day than usual! That said, we typically have really busy days at least once a week, so it's probably not that far off base. I loved Kristal's idea of documenting one busy day and one slower day, because the slower days are filled with stuff (like school time, painting our nails, and lots of reading books) that I don't want to forget either!

5:00am- I'm awake. Last time I remember seeing the clock was when I got up at 4am. Get up, go to the bathroom, and come to lay back down. Justin is now laying sideways across the bed, and after some effort, I get him to move back to his side. I can't fall asleep because I know Justin's alarm is going to go off soon.

5:40am (ish)- Justin's alarm goes off. As usual, he does not actually intend to get up at this time, and after several minutes, I finally get him to hit snooze.

5:55am (ish)- Justin's alarm goes off again. After several minutes, I finally get him to turn off his alarm. I try to get him to get out of bed, but he won't, and I'm starting to feel like I'm acting like a parent, so I give up and get up.

6:00am- I head to the living room, take some heartburn meds, and get started on homework from Bible Study. I'm so far behind!


6:15am- I hear Lizzy's door open, and she says, "It's okay for me to come out now!". I tell her yes, even though I'm not sure it's really a question, and she comes out and snuggles on the couch with me.

6:30am- Lizzy asks to watch Dora, so I turn it on for her and we snuggle ad watch. Justin calls out, "It's okay for you to make me a sandwich?!" from down the hallway, which makes me smile. I make him a PB&J.

6:45am- Justin is heading out the door, and pops his head back in to tell me that we left the dome light on in my car light night, but that he'll see if it starts or jumps it. Apparently, it starts! Whew.

7:00-7:45am- Make Lizzy breakfast, and then we dink around a little bit. I really should take a shower, but I'm too tired right now. I realize that I forgot to toss the laundry into the dryer before I went to bed last night, so Lizzy has no clean underwear, and I'll have to put her in a pull-up. Sigh. Go toss the load into the dryer for later today, and it is COLD out in the garage!

7:45am- Lizzy asks to watch Imagination Movers, and I let her so that I can get ready for Bible Study. I toss on some leggings, boots, and a blanket cardigan. Toss my hair up in a sock bun, add some pearls, and hope I look more Pinterest-chic than homeless-chic. Unfortunately, I think I'm skewing toward the latter, but I'm too tired and too cozy to change.

8:00-8:30am- I start getting Lizzy ready for the day. She freaks out that her white shirt "doesn't match" her brown polka-dot leggings. I try to explain that white matches with everything, but she's still not happy about it. She adds her pink cowgirl boots because apparently, they do match. I toss together some breakfast for me to take with and eat at Bible Study. I also remember to go warm up the car, which I consider a major win for the day.

8:45 am- We are actually in the car and on our way to Bible Study. Lizzy requests the same song over and over on the way there, and I oblige to hopefully avoid a toddler meltdown. Plus, she's awfully cute singing it! Baby #2 is active as can be in the car, and man...those kicks HURT! I really want to stop and get a latte, but convince myself not to because they'll have coffee and creamer at the church.

9am-11am- Bible Study. I felt uncomfortable the whole time--baby was in a weird position, and it hurt. Usually, I stay around and chat afterwards, but today I've got quite a bit to do, so I duck out quickly.

11:10am- We arrive at Wal-Mart to pick up some produce, and do a quick pit stop for Lizzy to use the bathroom. We get just outside the bathroom, when Lizzy says, "I have to go potty!". Back inside we go. It's cool. We'll spend 20 minutes in the Wal-Mart bathroom.

11:30am-12:00pm- Whew! In and out of Wal-Mart. On the way out, Lizzy sees a poster for Madagascar 3, and asks if we can get it. We swing by Redbox, and they've got it in stock, so we rent it. She's thrilled, and we talk about waiting until Justin gets home to watch it all together.

12:00pm- Back in the car, heading home. Lizzy says "Mom! Mom! Mom!" the whole way home, and when I ask her what she needs, she just giggles. The "Mom! Mom! Mom!" thing is a frequent occurrence right now, and it drives me nuts. If I ignore her, she cries and says, "Why won't you talk to me?!", but if I answer her, 90% of the time she has nothing to say...other than "Mom! Mom! Mom!" again two minutes later.

12:15pm- Home. Lunch. I eat while looking for articles for the Mom's Group newsletter that I have to send over to have printed for tomorrow.

12:50pm- Lizzy's done eating now, and comes over to talk to me. We talk for a little while, and then she asks if she can go read books in her room. I ask if she wants me to come with her, and she says she wants "quiet time by herself". I head back to help her turn on her music and such, and then head back to the living room to work on the newsletter some more.

1pm- Lizzy comes out of her room and says she's done with quiet time. I tell her that she needs to stay in her room for now. She throws a temper tantrum. Awesome.

1:45pm- We've been battling for the last 45 minutes about her staying in her bedroom. She'll come out, and I'll carry her back in kicking and screaming and yelling at me. I am quickly losing patience for this. I'm still trying to work on the newsletter, but it is really slow progress since I'm going in like 2 minute increments.

2:00pm- Newsletter is finally done and emailed off. Lizzy is still screaming and freaking out hysterically, so I call her into the living room for a talk about what's okay when we're angry and what's not. I ask her if she wants to do school time, and she says no. I tell Lizzy that it's time to lay down with me on the couch for a rest. She starts screaming and yelling again. I turn on the TV to the Property Brothers, and eventually she settles down, but in the mean time she reminds me of the main character from a book that we read a lot, The Pout-Pout Fish.

2:45pm- I look down, and Lizzy's asleep. Normally, I'd move her back to her room for the rest of her nap, but we don't have a ton of time before my photo shoot later, so I slide off the couch and leave her there.

3:00pm-3:30pm- I text back and forth with today's photo client--we're up to 15 people for her family shoot today! We decide that we actually need to do a session and a half, and make plans to meet a little earlier. I'm nervous--I don't do big groups that often and feel less confident about them than other types of sessions, especially now that I'm not moving as fast as I once was! Plus, since we're starting earlier, I'm bringing Lizzy for a few minutes until Justin gets off work. The client knew up front that I'd have to bring Lizzy if we booked today, and is a friend from Mom's Group who I'm sure will be fine with Lizzy no matter what, but I'm still nervous about how Lizzy will behave.

3:30pm-4:15pm- Tie up some loose ends...change into different clothes since Oregon weather is so finnicky in the fall, and now it's hot.

4:15pm- Lizzy's still asleep, and I need to leave. Crud. I try to move her into the car, but she wakes up when I'm buckling her in, and freaks out. I swing by a coffee stand to grab a chocolate milk for her to drink in the stroller while I'm shooting. I hate to reward behavior like this, but at this point, I'm totally in survival mode and will do whatever it takes to make it through the next bit of time until Justin gets off work!

4:30pm- We arrive, and I start shooting. Lizzy alternates between being great and being a pain in the butt. I'm starting to get a little stressed.

4:45pm- Justin was working down the street from where we're shooting, and swings by to pick up Lizzy. Normally, she'd be thrilled to ride in his work truck, but this time she's not. They head off, and I keep shooting.

6:15pm- Done! I head home. Justin's got tacos/burritos started for dinner--thank you babe!

6:30pm- We all sit down to eat. Lizzy's in a super lovey mood, and wants to hug my arm the whole time we're eating. Today's been busier than usual, and I feel like she hasn't gotten a lot of quality attention today and I feel bad. I ask her if she wants to do her letters after dinner, and she says, "No, I want to watch Move It Move It! (Madagascar)" I'm looking forward to us all having some quality time to snuggle and watch the movie together once we finish.

7:00pm- Justin and I are done eating, Lizzy's still going. Justin heads outside to replace a part in his truck, I clean up dinner and talk to Lizzy some more.

7:15 pm- My parents call and ask to talk to Lizzy. We sit on the couch and they talk for a little while--Lizzy LOVES talking on the phone!

7:30ish- They hang up, and I'm explaining to Lizzy that we need to get ready for bed quickly if we're going to watch the movie tonight. It's like this flips a mischievous switch in her, and she is dragging her feet more slowly than ever. I'm redirecting her literally every other minute. Out of nowhere, she hits the cat. Twice. I send her to her room for a timeout. She starts screaming at the top of her lungs and kicking her walls. I tell her that her two minute timeout will start when she's finished screaming. She spends about five minutes screaming, "YOU DON'T GIVE TIMEOUTS TO CHILDREN! NEVER! AGAIN! I AM THE PARENT! YOU LISTEN FIRST TIME I ASK!"

7:45pm- I head back to her room to get her out of timeout and discover that she has TRASHED her room. Pillows and blankets off the bed, books thrown EVERYWHERE, clothes pulled out of her drawers. I have to remind myself to take very deep breaths. I ask what happened, and she says, "I was mad." I tell her that I'm sad she made that choice, and that I don't know if we'll have time to watch the movie tonight after she finishes cleaning up her room, and I leave the room to see how she does cleaning on her own for a few minutes.

8:00pm- I hear Lizzy happily reading books (not cleaning) in her room. Justin walks inside and tells me that in addition to the part he's fixing, there's also a problem with the radiator hose. Awesome.My dad texts me a photo of doughknots, one of my favorite splurge meals from my hometown. Now I'm craving doughknots--that's just not kind to do to a pregnant lady! I head back to supervise the cleaning effort.

8:18pm-8:55pm- Lizzy is still cleaning, Justin is still working. The movie is *so* not happening tonight. I'm trying to teach Lizzy natural consequences--that if she pulls off every book on her bookshelf, she'll have to put every book on her bookshelf back. But it's hard to follow through at times like this...because she is going SO SLOWLY, and I'm constantly having to redirect her. It would be so much easier and faster for me just to do it myself. Justin comes in about 8:30am, and we both have to continue to redirect every 5 seconds. Also? Holy Braxton-Hicks, batman!

9:00-9:20pm- We're just now leaving Lizzy's room after saying goodnight. I have grand dreams of Justin and I cuddling on the couch watching TV, but there apparently wasn't a new episode of Bones on Monday after all, and Justin is reading The Lightning Thief again, which pretty much means he's dead to the world. We are both total book nerds and have a hard time focusing on anything else when we're deep into a book we love. I feel like he and I were passing ships today, but some days are just like that. I jot down a few notes about today for this blog post.

9:20pm- I have a ton of photo editing to do, so I grab the laptop, lay down on the couch, and get to it.

9:30pm-10:15pm- Photos are uploaded to Lightroom, and I begin to cull them a bit. Justin heads to bed right as I find a cute candid moment that I love from the session. I give it a quick edit, and toss it up on Facebook as a sneak peek. Have I mentioned that I HATE Facebook for photos?! I can edit and size things exactly the same way every time, and sometimes they look great and sometimes they look crappy.  There doesn't seem to be any rhyme or reason to things, and it drives me nuts. Anyone out there have any fail-safe magical photos on Facebook tricks? 

10:19pm- I'm so tired...time to hit the sack. I force down a half a glass of milk and hope that this heartburn subsides enough to let me sleep!

{for the record, I was up by midnight, then two, then three, then five--ahhhh, pregnancy}

All the Small Things

I know, I've been a bad blogger. I'm sorry. I'm just absolutely stinking exhausted, and who really wants to read about a pregnant lady complaining about how tired she is?

But I am. Between organizing the Harvest Fest at church with my sisters-in-law this past weekend (from which I am STILL physically sore), about 3 photo shoots in the span of a week (two left to go!), getting up early with a toddler who does.not.sleep (while Justin somehow ends up sleeping in nearly every weekend morning), and then just being 36 weeks pregnant and getting up almost once an hour at night...I'm just tired. And a little grumpy today.

And I feel frumpy. I want a haircut. And normal clothes. And a date night. And a steak dinner (seriously, I've been craving a good steak, sweet potato, and Roadhouse-style roll for weeks!) . And as bad as I feel for saying this, I kinda want it to rain today so that I can reschedule this afternoon's photo shoot and just sleep (not really, because it's not exactly a session that can be rescheduled, but a nap just sounds good in theory). And there is SO MUCH TO DO, and the fact that at my OB appointment on Monday I was already dilated, has reminded me that there is NOT MUCH TIME TO DO EVERYTHING I WANT TO GET DONE...even if this kiddo doesn't come for another 4 weeks.

See? No one really wants to read about that. It's obnoxious. Because really? Small things. All totally small in the grand scheme of things. And I absolutely know that, because there are great, awesome blessing things going on too...like a friend who gets to meet her baby today. Or, the fact that tonight after my photo shoot, we get to curl up on the couch and watch the episode of Bones that we recorded from Monday. Or, that even though Lizzy was up early this morning, she's been sitting on the couch snuggling and holding my feet while watching Imagination Movers (which has just about replaced Dora in this household lately) all while holding a baby doll and occasionally patting my belly. Or that yesterday, I got to have coffee and doughnuts with Kaitlin while our kiddos played surprisingly well together. Or the fact that we're being thrown a baby shower at church on Saturday (around here, showers are more like what a lot of y'all call "sprinkles" with lots of blankets and clothes, and are totally common for every kiddo), which is a tremendous blessing in and of itself!

Life is good, truly. I know that in my bones.

But also, right now? My bones are a little tired, ha!

Isn't it ironic....dontcha think?

Well, that settles it.

OHSU was not bluffing--apparently, in Oregon, a hospital can send you to collections even if you've been making a payment every month, just because they've decided that it will take you too long to pay off your hospital balance.

We got a letter yesterday from the Oregon Department of Revenue that they now hold one of my three accounts from my skin cancer surgery at OHSU. I called to set up a payment plan yesterday. It's kind of funny, because their automated system basically says, "If your account is with traffic fines, press 1. If your account is with court fees, press 2. If your account is for jail fees, press 3. If your account is from OHSU, press 4." (You'll notice that there are no other hospitals on this list...)

Anyway, once I finally reached a person, I explained that we'd always paid on time every month, but that OHSU had turned it over  because they decided it would take too long to pay off. I said "Here's what I can afford to pay each month. Our income varies, so on months when we can afford to pay more, I'll happily send it." The nice (sarcasm font) lady at the department of revenue told me that they don't really care what we can afford to pay, that my minimum payment each month is X. I asked her what would happen if we couldn't afford to pay X, and she said she can't tell me that until November 5th, when our first payment is due. She said that they don't have any sort of financial paperwork to fill out, and that they really don't care what your income and bills look like. You pay their minimum payment or you don't, and if you don't....well, I don't know because she wouldn't tell me.

She then proceeded to tell me that my account will probably be paid off much more quickly than I expect anyway, as they'll just withhold all of our tax returns until it is paid off.

I kind of wanted to scream at her.  I know she's just doing her job. I know that technically, that's fair and that the doctors and hospitals deserve to be paid for their time. I know that's probably what we would have done with a tax return anyway.  But can I just say that it sucks? Because it does. It sucks. It sucks that no one seems to care that there's a person or a family on the other end of the line...who is just trying to balance paying for this unexpected surgery with all their other obligations...not to mention just life. It sucks that the house refinance that we were so excited about probably closing on in November? Probably won't happen now because of this. The really ironic and funny thing about all this? If we were/are able to refinance in November as we were (and still are) hoping, the entire OHSU bill would have been paid off at that point anyway.

I feel a little like I'm living in an Alanis Morisette song.

............................................................................................................................

It sucks that this is something that's heavy on my heart and mind lately, but I'm not even sure that I should blog about it because I'll probably get snarky anonymous comments about us and our money, and how maybe we shouldn't be having another baby if we're so poor, or maybe I shouldn't be buying leggings or mums (which, just for the record, I haven't) if we still have hospital debt. Or how maybe I should just get a job and shut up.

I don't know if I should blog about it because it will make family and friends worry about us...and really, I'm sure it'll be okay. It's just irritating. It just sucks. I'm just venting because we're trying to do the best that we can and to live on a budget and be fiscally responsible...all while watching people we know totally play the system and get rewarded for it. All while feeling like the people on the other end of the phone line do not care about us in the slightest. It's frustrating. And irritating. And I just want to stomp my feet and scream.

And then? There are times where all you can do is laugh. Like last night, when we were working on choosing songs for a Sunday service later in October, and we pulled up the Gospel reading for that particular Sunday. Anyone want to guess what the reading was? I'll tell you. Mark 10:23-31. The first sentence?

Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, "How hard is it for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!"

And I know what that passage is all about, and I know what it really means and how it's often misinterpreted and misapplied, but seriously, after a day like I had yesterday...being so irritated and so stressed about all things money, how can you not just laugh when that comes across the table?

Since you last saw me....

-I've done approximately 20 loads of laundry (yet somehow it still isn't done).

-I've sorted all the clothes in my closet into "newly postpartum" and "pre-pregnancy size" totes, and put them away for the rest of this pregnancy. And cried looking at the size of jeans I wore shortly after Lizzy was born. I really hope I never have to wear them this time.

-I've spent approximately one hour waiting in the 108 degree heat in our non-air conditioned car. Then, I spent approximately three hours watching baseball and wrangling a kiddo in the same 108 degree heat. Happily, Justin's team beat the best team in the league last night, which was particularly gratifying as the manager of the other team kept throwing the bat, swearing, and straight-up trying to cheat. Oh, and did I mention he's the coach of one of the local high school teams? He's clearly an awesome role model. I wish I would have video taped him and sent it to the school district. It was SO gratifying that his team lost.

-I've researched, arranged, and planned to have our internet switched over to a new provider. Hopefully, they're installing tomorrow. We've had Clearwire for years and hated them, but for some reason, it always felt like more of a hassle to switch.

-I've averaged getting to actually speak to my husband for about 10 minutes a night for the past two weeks...he's been leaving for work at about 6am every morning, working out of town with no cell service, and getting back sometime between 6pm and 8pm, though I never really know exactly when. And if he does get home earlier, he usually has baseball. Or there's something, and we're still not home. I'm feeling beyond done with this arrangement. So is our kiddo.

-I've gotten a call from the refinance lady that the USDA's refinance program that they just announced (and we were planning to use) is almost out of funds already. We'd been planning to close in November, but she wants to close ASAP instead. So, I've been spending time trying to figure out whether or not we can make things happen sooner than we planned. Right now, it doesn't feel worth the effort, honestly.

-I've spent lots of time snuggling my sweet girl. She and I both aren't feeling great--there's a few fires going on in Southern Oregon, and the level of smoke in the air is unreal. I think the runny noses and sore throats on both our ends are probably mostly attributed to that.

-I have spent almost an hour on the phone with our insurance, trying to figure out this breast pump business. Apparently, a new law went into effect in August that breastpumps are covered, period. BUT naturally, it isn't that simple for us...and we don't actually get to benefit from that law until January when our plan renews. So, instead, I'm trying to figure out which pump to buy with their old policy, which is that we pay out of pocket and they reimburse 70% up to $200. I'm looking at the Medela Pump In Style Advanced, the Phillips Avent Twin Electric, and the Ameda Purely Yours Double Pump. So if you have any of those and would like to weigh in (good or bad), I'd love that!

-I've spent approximately 3 hours shooting photos, and another 3 hours learning (trying to learn) Lightroom, which has been a lot of fun!

Basically, things have been busy, but not with anything particularly interesting to write about...so I apologize for my lack of posts lately! Hope everyone is having a fantastic summer!