Beautiful Letdown

Today was not such a good day. I made a huge mistake at work, and I feel terrible about it. Basically, I inverted two numbers in a phone number that I was faxing a HIGHLY confidential report to, and faxed the report to some random person. Oddly enough, those people did have a fax machine and did receive the report, but they saw the confidentiality notice, called the office, and shredded it. I sent an email to my boss about the whole situation. I know it was a human error that anyone could have made, but I feel really bad. For awhile, I was freaking out that I could possibly even get FIRED. But, I just logged onto my work email remotely, and my boss was very kind. She basically said thanks for the heads up, and that mistakes happen, and we learn from them. I thought it would be a relief to hear that from her, but I still feel terrible.

Went to band practice tonight, and while they were practicing, I logged onto the MLS real estate listings...checking to see if the price for the house-house had dropped. Turns out, it isn't on the online listing anymore. I'm guessing that means the house-house (I keep wanting to call it "our" house, even though I know it isn't and never was) was snatched up by someone else. I have to admit, I'm pretty sad about the whole situation--I definitely spent many nights thinking of potential living room arrangements. But I also spent many nights praying, trying to surrender it all to God, and (trying) to remind myself that this will all happen in God's time, not in mine. However, if I'm honest, what I was REALLY thinking was 'God, please give us this house!'. Likewise, I spent many nights praying that IF ONLY we could qualify for a few thousand more, we'd have a whole lot more houses to choose from. I was praying, 'And while you're at it God, give us a really really nice house!'

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.” Isaiah 55:8-9

A friend of a friend recently blogged about this verse, and noted that while most of us are familiar with the concepts of surrendering ourselves to God, and have probably heard the verse that discusses not worrying about clothing or food because God will provide. Instinctively, we know and honor that God will provide, and know that He has it all taken care of. Still, I often find myself wanting to help him out a bit. This person continued by saying, "It was almost as if I wanted His Word to say, 'In all of your ways acknowledge me and I will keep your credit score great!' " Boy, do I relate. Sometimes, I really want God's word to say "In all of your ways, acknowledge me, and I will give you an awesome house!" But it doesn't. Rather, God's word says not to covet the houses of our neighbors, and then gently reminds us that my ways and desires aren't always the ways and desires that He has for me. This is a daily struggle for me as a Christian, but I am really trying to be thankful that we have a roof over our heads at all, and realize that the possibility of us being able to own ANY house, no matter how small, is a blessing.

Who knows...maybe there was just a glitch in the computer system while they were lowering the price of the house? Maybe it was accidentally taken off. Maybe the people interested will back out. Maybe they've already closed, and the house isn't on the market at all. I don't know what the situation is, but I know this is a valuable thing, because it's forced me to look at this house buying process in another way...and one that's Jesus centered instead of Justin-Meredith centered.