I am not in the mood to get dressed and pretend to be happy in order to take the standard belly shot this morning, so this little snapshot from last night will just have to suffice.
And compared to 39 weeks with Lizzy:
I'm officially 39 weeks. For anyone who missed it on Instagram, I had an OB appointment yesterday and am still 5-6cm dilated, but am now about 80% effaced (up from the 50% at the hospital Monday night). I'm still having contractions most of every day, but sometimes will go an hour or so without any at all...which is entirely frustrating.
If I haven't had the baby by Monday, we go in at 6:15am, and then around noon they'll break my water. I seriously think I may lose my shit before then. I am so uncomfortable and exhausted. And I'm also feeling really grumpy and defeated...I don't want to be induced. That's not how things are supposed to happen, darn it!
I just keep reminding myself that we had an induction scheduled with Lizzy for a totally different reason--coincidentally, it was scheduled for Monday January 11th (opposed to Monday November 12th this time), and Lizzy was born on her own on the morning of the 10th. So maybe there's hope for that this time too. I'm trying to hold on to that hope, but right now, it just doesn't seem very hopeful!
I'm frustrated that with every day that ticks off the calendar this month, I still haven't had the baby AND it looks more and more like the house refinance isn't going to happen, since it doesn't appear that the USDA has released funds like they were supposed to do in October...which just sucks. (And in my head, this is directly related to the baby thing because Justin's work doesn't give them any paid time off, so he will just have to take unpaid time when the baby is born, and that just would have hurt a whole lot less with the refinance happening this month like it was supposed to). I just kind of want to curl up on the couch and cry because things are just NOT going how I so hoped they would this month! And I just kind of want to stomp my feet and eat chocolate (too bad we don't have any chocolate in the house)!
Ugh. I hate how grumpy and complain-y I am right now. I don't like being like that! I'm trying to do the whole '30 Days of Thankfulness' thing, just to remind myself that there are still so. many. blessings. right now, and even the fact that I'm still pregnant and cooking a healthy baby girl is a blessing in and of itself. I know that. I get that. I'm just tired right now, guys.
I would be surprised if you make it to Monday. Walk today and stay busy to get your mind occupied with lots of break and focused breathing to calm yourself. Yes, this is a blessing. We only have one child and multiple miscarriages. It is worth it!!! Praying for you!!!
ReplyDeleteI wish I lived in your neck of the woods right now! I would be trudging over to your house right now, filling your sweet craving! Thinking of you, I know these days are long, but the moments are fleeting! Sweet girl will be here before you know it:)I was encouraged yesterday by a friend who blogged about these times of "waiting." As frustrating as it may be, keep seeking God, he knows your heart, your body, everything, sit and rest in HIS presence!
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry girl!! I know it's so hard to focus on the positive when your exhausted and just done.
ReplyDeletePS - you look so thin! Your face especially.
Big hugs, mama. I would be a royal disaster if I was walking around at a freaking 6 at home. Come on uterus. I really do think you will have her before Monday but if not, I am betting it will be the fastest labor EVER once they break your water!!
ReplyDeleteWell, I'll be sending out some good vibes that she comes on her own!
ReplyDelete:( That's a lot that's not going well. I'm so sorry! Praying for a safe and healthy arrival soon!
ReplyDeleteYou are more than welcome to pout. I cried for almost an hour yesterday morning because our Thanksgiving week (that OMG my husband has freaking off!!!) turned into him having orientation for his moonlighting job + driving back and forth between our home town and where we live like 4 times and you know... nothing really to whine about but I did.
ReplyDeleteSo pout away, I don't mind. But remember, there are DAYS, not weeks, left until you meet your little girl. And honestly? I'm scared to not be induced. It wasn't how I planned it, but I'd almost rather be induced again this time just so I know roughly when it is going to happen. I like things on a schedule :).
Hang in there!
I wish I had some great words of comfort. I know you will feel better when it's all over, so, I hope it goes quickly...preferably before Monday!
ReplyDeleteI was catching up and hadn't read this yet... so funny now that she is here. :)
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