Bummed.

I need to share a story with you guys about a negative experience I've had recently with doing photography. I'm really bummed about this whole situation, and really grappled with whether or not to blog about it. But I feel like there's a chance some of you could learn from my story, and hopefully not end up in the same situation.This is an extremely emotionally charged situation for me, but I'm going to  do my best to write about it as objectively as possible. It's long. Here goes:

Last year, I was asked if I would donate a family photo session as part of an auction for the church that I attend and the school. I happily did so. The family that won was I family that we knew well, and I would have definitely considered close acquaintances, if not friends. I have done photo shoots for several of the family's friends, and I was excited to do the shoot.

We set up a date, and I went out to do the shoot. It was a GREAT shoot involving the family's horses, and I thought it turned out really beautiful and unique. Typically, I had people sign a model release form any time I was taking pictures of minors, as was the case in this situation. I forgot to bring a copy, so I said that I'd email her a copy, along with a sneak peek of the pictures. She asked if I could post the sneak peek to Facebook, which is not something that I typically do without the release, but I didn't think much of it...these were friends.

As it happened, Lizzy went to bed early that night, and Justin was watching Avatar...again. I ended up finishing editing the photos that night. I posted the sneak peek to Facebook, and immediately got great feedback, including from the mom herself. The next day, the mom came to pick up the CD of photos, and said that she had forgotten the release at home. I told her that it was no biggie, and that she could just leave it with my mother-in-law at school the next day. The following week, I checked in with her about the release again, and she said that she had forgotten. I genuinely didn't think much of it.

On Thursday night, the mom posted a Facebook update that basically said, "Having a friend edit some family pictures. So excited to see them tomorrow!"

I responded that I hoped she liked how they turned out, and didn't think much of it. I updated my own status to something about being speechless that evening. It had been a looonnngggg, emotional week.

A few minutes later, she responded back to her status, "There were a few with the camera bag in the background. And some other things I guess you didn't see."

Then, she responded to my status {about being speechless}, "Hmmm...I think this is about me. I will inbox you later."

Honestly, I was a little shocked. I really didn't think that she was talking about the photos that I had done for her at all.  I had only heard from her that she loved the photos that I had done. I didn't really know what to say, so I responded, " Gotcha. I would have been happy to fix them for you had I known. And just so you know, my status wasn't about you--I actually didn't even realize that they were my photos that you were talking about until you replied :) "

It was my intent to reply with as much civility as possible, even though inside I was pretty hurt. First of all, I wish that she would have spoken with me if she was unhappy. If there truly was a camera bag in the background, I would have fixed it no questions asked {though, I have looked through the photos again, and I only see ONE photo that may have my camera bag in the background. It just as easily may be their cat. It's in the bokeh, and really difficult to tell}. Second of all, I suspect that the person doing the editing is also a photographer, and I just cannot get over how unethical editing someone else's photos without their permission is. Every photographer has such a distinct and unique style, that it just isn't something you should do EVER.

After this, I really felt like giving a CD or DVD of images to a client wouldn't be possible anymore. I was bummed, because I don't WANT to deal with ordering prints. And if I were the one hiring a photog, I would want a CD of images! The next day, I conferred with Leah, who gave me the great suggestion of adding a disclaimer into the release that specifies that the person may print the photos, but not alter or edit in any way. I decided that this was a good learning experience for me, and a great reason for me to update my release form.

Later on Friday, I sent another message to that mom explaining that I still needed a model release for her children. I explained that if they weren't comfortable signing the release, that was totally fine, but just to please let me know, as I can't have photos of minors up on my Facebook page without a signed release. For the record, I didn't even send the new release with the no-editing provision. Just the old release that they had received originally. I saw that the mom was on Facebook through the night, but didn't respond to my message.

On Sunday, I left a comment that said, "Hi! I know Facebook has been a little screwy lately with notifications, so I just wanted to make sure that you got my message. Please let me know what you'd like to do." Again, the mom was on Facebook throughout the night and this morning, and I have received no response. I took down the photos, and sent her a final message that I had seen she had been on Facebook several times and had not responded to or acknowledged my messages or comments, so I was assuming that she was uncomfortable signing a release, and had removed the family photos from my Facebook page. I noted that I would be happy to put them back up if I had a signed release in hand. 

Guys, I'm just disappointed about this whole situation. I'm disappointed that I wasn't given the opportunity to fix something if she really was unhappy. I'm disappointed that we can't seem to have a civil conversation about it.

So learn from me:

-Have everyone sign a release before the session, even if they're good friends. 
-Do not post any pictures to Facebook or your blog without a signed release, even if they've given you verbal permission to do so.
-Explicitly lay out your expectations as part of the contract/release. If you're giving them printing rights, state that. If you do not want them to have editing rights, state that. I also added that the photos could not be used for advertisement or contests without my permission.