-Speaking of the trip to Portland, I had a full-blown anxiety attack on New Year's Eve. It came out of nowhere. We were laying in bed, about to go to sleep, and all of a sudden, my heart was racing and I could hardly breathe. Suddenly, I was absolutely petrified that we'll get up to Portland for the procedure on Friday, and the doctor will tell me that my skin cancer is incredibly advanced, and that I'm like the one person in the world to which it has actually metastasized and that the prognosis is terrible. I have no reason to think this is the case...everything my doctor has told me has indicated and demonstrated that the exact opposite is true. And in my logical part of my brain, I know that. But the unknown is scary, and my brain starts following terrible trains of thought--You're already in an incredibly small percentage of people who have this type of skin cancer. What makes you think you won't be one of the small percentage of those for whom it is deadly?
It makes me mad. Mad that I'm spending the time worrying about it. Mad that I can't get the thought out of my head even though I KNOW worrying about it now won't do anything to prevent or change it if that is in fact the case. Logically, I *know* that it is pointless to worry until/unless I am explicitly given a reason to worry. But sometimes, it's hard not to be a little scared of the unknown. So, on New Years Eve, I just laid in bed singing songs in my head, and eventually fell asleep.
- Before the anxiety attack, the band spent New Year's Eve playing a concert for Celebrate Recovery. It was a ton of fun! Here's a video re-cap (shot with a point and shoot camera, so the quality isn't perfect). The first song in the mash-up is one of the ones that I sing in my head when I start to feel that fear/anxiety creep into my mind. It's called "Give Me Peace" and the chorus goes: Give me peace, I am weary with no rest. Give strength to my weary hands in this mess. Take a listen if you wish--in the second song of the mash-up, you can even hear J sing!
-In fun Portland news though, my former-sort-of-roommate Sara sent J and I a gift certificate for The Cheesecake Factory, which I am REALLY excited about! She and Lisa have been spoiling me rotten these past couple of months! Can you believe I've never eaten at The Cheesecake Factory before? What's good?