The Independent Child

Lizzy wasn't very old {3 months maybe?} when it became abundantly clear that she was one independent kiddo. She already had very definite opinions about what she liked/wanted, and she wasn't afraid to let us know. As her mobility has increased, so has her desire for independence, which is sometimes a struggle for me.

After all, every mom would love their child to be able to play independently, but what mom wants their child to play independently 99% of the time. Because after all,  if we can't sing them nursery rhymes, and practice counting, and read eleventy billion stories each day, and talk about every.little.thing that happens during the course of our day, HOW will our child ever succeed in life and school?! Of course, I'm exaggerating to some extent. But realistically, sometimes I feel like I should be interacting more with Lizzy, and it's hard to do so sometimes with Miss Independent. Sometimes, we only get through one round of "I'm a little teapot" before she's batting my hands away, and walking off to stack blocks by herself. Any attempt on my part to stack blocks with her just results on her walking away to read books by herself. Again, any attempt on my part to join causes a reaction in Lizzy that I have come to understand as, "MOM. I just want to do it by myself!"

When I first started noticing this, I found some creative ways for blocking off part of our living room, so that I could let her down to explore and play independently without having to worry about parts of the house that haven't been totally childproofed yet. And this works sometimes, but what I'm noticing is that when Lizzy plays independently in the living room, I seem to find so many other tasks that could keep me busy--dishes, sweeping, mopping floors, laundry, etc. All things that need to be done, but sometimes I can get on a roll doing them, and have a hard time stopping when Lizzy does crawl over and want to show me something, or wants to be picked up. I have a tendency to try to finish just one more thing, and then sometimes miss that window of when she wants to play entirely. 

So, I've been implementing something that I like to call "room time". We sit in Lizzy's room, which is much MUCH smaller than the living room, I set out books and toys on the floor for her, I sit in the glider, set a timer for one hour, and read a book or magazine. Lizzy usually plays independently, and I read. Occasionally, she'll crawl over to the glider with something to show me, and we'll talk about it until she decides that she's had enough, and she'll crawl away. I have a much easier time looking up from a book than I do stopping in the middle of loading a dishwasher, so it works out well--I don't feel like I'm missing out on the little moments as much.

Initially, I felt a lot of guilt about this--I'm a stay-at-home-mom, I shouldn't be reading while she's awake! I should be spending every moment of the day talking, singing, dancing, etc. I should be cramming every cleaning chore, lunch, exercise, etc.  into nap time {I use the term nap time loosely, seeing as there are days when Lizzy doesn't nap at all}!  But, Justin's mom pointed out to me a few weeks ago that just as constantly talking at Lizzy can exhaust me sometimes, it can exhaust her too. The fact is that she IS an independent child, and she DOES need time to play by herself. The "room time" idea at least ensures that she's getting "side-by-side" time, and attention more readily when she does want it from me.

Do any of you feel like you have super independent kids? What has your experience been like?