Dear Sweet Husband,
Please clean the entire house from top to bottom while I am gone. Thank you much. I know I'm setting you up for failure, but you're just gonna have to deal, because I'm grumpy that I have to drive three hours with people who are nice, but not really my friends, and that I'm not getting paid for it. I'm especially grumpy that I am the one that's driving up to the conference. In fact, I feel like this:
And even though it's an unfair expectation on my part, and I'm sorry to take my grumpiness out on you, I want to give you fair warning that I will be TICKED if I come home to this: And a disaster of a house. If the house is clean, you may read my girlie magazines all you want. Your only other alternative to a happy, non grumpy wife at this point would be:
In which case, I would likely forgive both a messy house AND girlie magazine reading (or excessive movie watching). Just remember toots, there was a semi-recent holiday in which you didn't get me anything (not even a card!), and I hold a grudge. Just kidding (mostly).