Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Wedded Wednesday: 5 Love Languages

Wedded Wednesday is a collaboration
of married bloggers sharing their inspirations,
anecdotes, struggles and thoughts regarding
the amazing union of two separate people, as one.

I'm betting that most of you are familiar with Gary Champan's 5 Love Languages, and all of the different books incorporated under that umbrella. But in case you aren't, here's the basic idea:

We all have one of five ways that we primarily and instinctively show love and appreciation to others. In turn, we feel most loved and appreciated when someone expresses their love and affection for us using our own "love language".

The 5 Love Languages are: Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, Acts of Service, and Physical Touch.

Rarely do two spouses have the same love language. This can create an interesting scenario within a marriage. For example, if my love language were Acts of Service, and my husband's were Words of Affirmation (and for the record, they aren't...) it's likely that I would show my love to Justin by cleaning the house, cooking dinner, etc--because that's MY language, and how I express my love and affection. However, Justin probably wouldn't be feeling very loved, because that's not the manner in which he experiences feeling loved and feeling affection--instead, he'd feel most loved if I were to thank him for being such a hard worker which provides for our family, or to tell him that he did a great job with a certain project around the house.

I think it's just a good reminder that the way we show love to our spouse is not always the way that they experience feeling loved. Sometimes, we have to speak their language! I also find that this premise applies in many other avenues of life besides just marriage--a co-worker and I were talking about how it even seems to occur in the workplace, or among friends. Gary Chapman also has a book specific to the love languages of children, and includes information about the type of discipline that might be most effective for children of different types of love languages. Check it out!


  1. My church did a long 8-week study on this book. It was awesome. It was a few years ago and I actually bought the whole cd series that he preached on becasue it resonated so deeply with me. It is a must read for anyone in a relationship! I have not read the one for children but I have been meaning to grab a copy of that one too!

  2. Our preacher recommended this to Jacob and I. It is really interesting and helped us!

  3. Someone got us this book for our wedding...we started reading it together but unfortunately, we are barely past the intro! :(

  4. I think that every couple even thinking about marriage should read this book. It is great for both sides to read and understand. I love it!

  5. It's funny you mention this now...a few of the girls in my Bible Study group invited me to their church this Saturday to listen to Gary Chapman speak & I wasn't going to attend because my hubby is working that day. BUT. After reading this, I think I am gonna go solo!

  6. It's so funny that you posted this becaue I was planning to post on this as well today! Our couples group just started a study on this a few weeks ago and I have been enjoying going through it again and hearing the group discussion. The hubs and I actually did this before we were married, when we were still dating in fact, and we both found it extremely helpful. I think one of the most interesting aspects is also how your love languages can change over time and how your lifestyle can have such a great effect!

  7. This book was interesting. I really resonated with it- but I read it to Chris and he said he really didn't resonate with any of them. I thought that he just wasn't trying hard enough. Then we read Love and Respect and it all came together.


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