Better Homes & Gardens made news this week when a blogger affiliated with BHG posted an article titled "The 10 commandments of dining with children". Number 4 on the list was "Thou Shalt Not Breastfeed At the Table", and encouraged momma to take it to the bathroom if they needed to nurse during the course of the meal.
BHG was flooded with complaints, and initially removed Number 4 from the list (reducing it to the 9 commandments of dining with children, which kind of loses its literary affect!), and has since removed the article altogether.
Anyway, this article got me wondering--how do YOU feel about breastfeeding in public? Are you all for it, or does it make you uncomfortable? Does it make a difference whether the momma uses a nursing cover or blanket?
Please weigh in, but try to be courteous towards other points of view!
Friday, May 28, 2010
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I say it's fine, just use a cover up thing. Babies got to eat!
ReplyDeleteHa. I break that "rule" all the time. Nurse in the bathroom??? No thank you! I use a cover, but if someone doesn't want to, that doesn't bother me at all. Better than a starving, unhappy baby!
ReplyDeleteYa know, I'm not a mom yet and so I don't know what it's like to breastfeed a starving baby. On that note, I think I would feel uncomfortable sitting in a restaurant with my boob hanging out. I think that someone should use a blanket or cover up if doing it while people are eating because I can see how it would offend some people. Heck, it's apart of your body that you wouldn't show any other time. I've never been in the situation, so I cannot say for sure, but I definitely don't think the mama should have to take him/her to the bathroom, seriously who wants to EAT in the bathroom? Regardless of age... So I guess I'd say if I was going to do it, I would just make sure to cover up so nobody could see what was going on, that way I really shouldn't be bothering anyone.
ReplyDeleteLike Kayla I'm not a mom - but I am one of the several people in the same restaurant or mall as moms. For me, I find it distracting that some women choose to breastfeed their babies in public spaces without discretion. I certainly don't think that moms should have to feed their babies in hiding, but I do think that with the huge range of breathable and stylish products available a little bit of discretion is a fair compromise. And, while I'm on the topic, I've heard a lot of suggestions in the media that people who want moms to "cover-up" feel that way because breasts are sexual, regardless of how they are 'used' - which I completely disagree with! This is certainly not the reason behind my opinion.
ReplyDeleteOh no they di'ent!! I can't believe that they actually had the gall to publish that even if it did get removed.
ReplyDeleteI use a cover with my 4 month old, but I never did with my first son. I would always gauge my audience. If I was out with say my elderly Grandpa and didn't have a cover? I'd go nurse in the car. To tell a Mom to nurse in a disgusting bathroom is just rude.
I'm all for nursing in public and did it myself. I do hope that mama will make the best effort to stay modest, although I don't think a nursing cover is essential. Just try to keep your breast covered like you would if you weren't nursing! If baby turns her head and you flash some nip, well that can't be avoided sometimes and will accidentally happen (maybe consider using a cover if baby is particularly active / curious?) But I don't think it's necessary to haul the old boobs out in full view before plugging baby in, you know?
ReplyDeleteI am shocked at how many ladies say a cover should be used!! We have breasts thrown in our faces in a sexual way through advertisements and media, yet I'm supposed to cover myself when I'm using my breasts for the purpose God intended? And really, low cut tops show more boob than I do when I nurse.
ReplyDeleteI NIP and I never use a cover. Isaac hates it so I'm not going to do that to him and I certainly won't be taking him to a bathroom. And honestly, I find that a cover draws more attention anyway because it's so obvious what you are doing. When I nurse Isaac in public, it really just looks like I'm holding him close.
WOW. I am just aghast that BH&G had anything to do with this! Man oh man, I'll use the usual response. Who wants to eat in a bathroom, not I and certainly not my baby!
ReplyDeleteI use a cover sometimes, more because it acts as "blinders" for Lizzy than anything else. It doesn't bother me at all if someone nurses in public, with or without a cover. Like Krystal said, even without a cover, I show less boob than most women on the street. I nurse in public often, and feel fine about it.
ReplyDeleteThe only time I have ever been a little uncomfortable was when I saw a momma literally take off her entire top to bf at the park, but again, that is probably more because I have been socialized to equate boobs with sex than anything else.
* KRISTAL (sorry girl!)
ReplyDeleteWhile I for sure think that it is ridiculous that they would suggest the baby should EAT in the bathroom, I also don't really want to be seeing boob all over (TV/sexually as Kristal noted or otherwise). I don't care if you are able to be discreet about it, but if you aren't able to hide the boob, I would prefer a coverup...
ReplyDeleteI would like to put a hooter hider on many girls I see walking down the street who AREN'T breastfeeding though.. more so for them.
I honestly think that this is going to come down to if you're a breastfeeding mom or have been one or aren't or haven't yet been one.
ReplyDeleteNursing is not a sexual act and it doesn't offend me, and I intend to nurse my kids. But when my friends nurse in front of me, I do feel awkward about how I should behave - do I look away, make eye contact, etc. I've never had a screaming baby in a restaurant, and if I did, I'm sure I'd nurse - and yeah, probably under a cover but I'm modest .
I think EVERYONE needs to be more accepting. I cannot tell you how many new moms I've met who make moms who supplement or even feed breast milk through a bottle feel like failures. And there are the moms who demonize nursing in public. Babies need to eat, so I say do what's comfortable for the individual mom and hopefully be respectful of the situation and people around you - I'd say a restaurant full of business men on their client lunches are probably less comfortable with public nursing than a 10am Starbucks crowd.
I am always pleasantly surprised when I see women nursing in public. I do a little secret dance inside and chalk up a point for normalcy on my inner chalkboard of justice! Bet I'm sure you could have guessed that. ;)
ReplyDeleteWhen I saw this I was really disappointed.
ReplyDeleteWhy would anyone think it is acceptable to ask a mother to feed their baby in a restroom? Really? We don't ask mothers with bottles to feed in a restroom. Or parents of noisy toddlers. Why would it be any different for a nursing mother?
I am a nursing mom and I nurse in public. A lot. Sometimes with a cover, most of the time without. I am discreet because I am not a fan of the boob flash to random strangers, but it happens. I have nursed at the Olive Garden, Red Robin, McDonalds, Starbucks, a hockey game, a Mariners game, the zoo and just about everywhere except a restroom.
I try to be respectful of those around and judge the situation, but my priority is to feed my baby.
There are laws out there that protect nursing moms and so help me I would use them if anyone asked me to use a restroom to nurse.
Enough rambling - moms have the right to nurse in public with or without a cover. If you are nursing, be discreet and respectful of those around you. Everyone else - respect a moms right to nurse in public.
I have not breastfed in public and don't feel comfortable doing so. If I know I am going to be in piblic, I pack a bottle of breast milk and keep it on ice. When it's time to feed her, I run it under warm water or bring my car bottle warmer.
ReplyDeleteThere was a situation where I was out shopping longer than I had planned and Jill started crying to eat. I went into a public restroom and sat on the toilet and breastfed her! Crazy I know, but it had to be done.
I certainly don't disagree with anyone who does breastfeed in public, I think it's a personal choice on what you are most comfortable with.
Karen
I don't mind mothers breastfeeding in public as long as they are covered up. I don't think mothers should be expected to feed their children in the bathroom - I mean, I don't eat in the bathroom, that's kinda gross. However, I was recently eating at a restaurant in which a woman lifted her shirt to breastfeed her child. My husband saw the whole thing including her nipple and stared for say 20 minutes as she fed her baby. It wasn't the act of nursing that bothered me, but that her nipples were out in plain view - sexual or not, I don't want to see that.
ReplyDeleteI am a breastfeeding mother, so my opinion is slightly skewed, but before I was a mother, I was a server at a restaurant, and we dealt with this issue before. It can be awkward sometimes but honestly, who cares? Seriously - how would you feel if I asked YOU to go eat in a bathroom.
ReplyDeleteI do feel awakward nursing in public and I ALWAYS use a cover. The other day my LO was SCREAMING in a restaurant, so I sat at the table and nursed (first time in public). I wish I did it more often. I wish I pulled the boob straight out and nursed him in front of the world without a cover - because nursing should be a normal thing. It should not be awkward. And to make that a reality, it has to be more visible.
The only time I have an issue with it is when people are obnoxious about it. When I worked in daycare, we had a mom who would take her whole top down to nurse, exposing both breasts, and sit in the front of the center as people and their children exited and entered. I thought that was inappropriate. If you aren't really showing anything, then I don't mind, but she seemed to be showing off her stuff.
ReplyDeleteMost bathrooms don't have chairs, loveseats or anywhere other than a dirty public toilet to sit and nurse on. I just used my nursing cover that was more than appropriate. The cover was mostly a blinder for Brayden, who was sometimes distracted if I didn't have one. It is better than having a screaming child! :)
ReplyDeleteI care not in the slightest. I think our society is absolutely insane in its approach to the human body. What's so bad about sex, anyway?
ReplyDelete(That is to say, potentially sexual sights, which I think is the basis of the objection to breastfeeding in public--that the loins might be inflamed by the sight of naked breast, god forbid! Not that breastfeeding itself is a sexual act. Just to clarify.)
ReplyDeleteI'm not a mom BUT I don't mind as long as the person is covered up and not making a scene about it. However, I had a meeting the other day and in mid-sentence the mom interrupts me, "Mind if I feed her?" I shake my head and tell her no. Then without missing a beat as I'm talking, she wipes out her boob and starts feeding. It was very distracting and I found myself totally interrupted and had to take a second to get back on course.
ReplyDeleteLet me clarify: When I say "covered up" I mean boob isn't hanging out for all to see, child covering it, a cover up, whatever you want. If I were to ever have children, and my mind might change if I had kids, I would probably use a cover or go to the bathroom for ME because I don't think I'd feel comfortable with it. But like I said, if I ever had kids and were in that situation, my mind might change.
ReplyDeleteI am breastfeeding baby #2. I have never BF in public and don't plan to. It's just a personal choice for me. I always felt awkward when other people did it so I have chosen not to. I always take a bottle of breast milk in a thermal tote to keep it cool, or some formula just in case. I just pump at home the next opportunity that I get. I also have done a lot of nursing in the car, so far I've tried to stay clear of the bathroom. I say to each her own.
ReplyDeleteBaby needs to eat. I say being discrete is curtious though. I had a friend that had a lady that told her she should be breastfeeding in the bathroom and asked the lady if she would like to eat her meal in there and if not why should her daughter have to. It is gross and unsanitary in there.
ReplyDeleteThe baby's age is a factor for me. I did a bit of everything. Breastfed in public, covered, uncovered, in the bathroom, in the park, everything. But when Carolina no longer subsisted solely on breast milk it was a non-issue, I never liked breastfeeding in public and I would plan her feedings to not coincide with being out. It was a personal choice. I was not ashamed of what I was doing, but I didn't want to do it in front of strangers either. I agree that if a woman is just doing it, not to make a statement by taking her entire top off, not acting embarrassed and drawing even MORE attention to herself, but just feeding her hungry child, I could care less, covered or uncovered.
ReplyDeleteBut I will admit when people feed children who talk to them and are eating solid foods, not just cereal, but actually the kids meal, I am uncomfortable.
Since I just started breastfeeding I don't feel comfortable enough to do it in public yet, but I may a few months from now though.
ReplyDeleteI nursed Cam for 9 months, and we never nursed in public (except at church). I personally was never comfortable with the idea, so I always made sure I pumped a bottle if we were going to be out for long.
ReplyDeleteThat said, I obviously support moms who BF in public and never bat an eye at those who do. It's ridiculous that moms should ever feel like they have to find somewhere with "closed doors" so that they can nurse their child- and even worse that somehow this "commandment" got published by BHG.
I can't believe this is up for debate in our society, too.
ReplyDeleteI plan to NIP but I'll cover up. For the sake of those around me and because I just don't want to deal with the comments and criticism.
Still, it doesn't bother me if women don't choose a cover. It's not sexual, and it's healthy and normal. Feed away!
I have no issue with anyone else doing whatever they want to do - if they expose their whole top half, whatever. I personally nurse in public quite frequently, but always use a cover. My main reason for doing so is that my daughter has issues actually staying latched the whole time, so I'd be flashing my nipple constantly, and I don't want the world to see that. If I knew she'd actually just latch on, eat, and then be done, I wouldn't use a cover at all because I think it does probably draw more attention to me than anything else.
ReplyDeleteI think it's terrible that a mother has to hide from doing something so wonderful as feeding her child. I dont get it, whats the problem with it? You just gotta use a blancket and that's it
ReplyDeleteI just read all the comments on this.... ;0
ReplyDeleteMost people are all for NIP...which is great. I find that with a newborn its harder to NIP b/c there is still a little 'fumbling around' to get latched on properly, etc...I think that in a month or two it will be much easier. I use a nursing cover if I do, but honestly, I keep a pumped bottle with me when I'm in public b/c...ummm grocery shopping and breastfeeding DONT go hand in hand..kind of impossible, lol.
The only problem I have ever had with breastfeeding at the table is when a woman needs to take up enough room for 3 people to do it.
ReplyDeleteI had one foul incident in a restaurant where the friend sitting next to me SHOVED me so hard that I almost fell off my chair, then said "Deal with it. The baby needs to eat RIGHT NOW."
Now, I'm not saying ALL women are like this (in fact, this woman is no longer my friend because of several incidents like this) - I'm sure most women are perfectly polite about it. But try to be considerate of others, especially if space is an issue. If you're at someone else's house, by all means move to another room (not the bathroom...living room would be fine) - you'll probably be more comfortable than shoving your way into a cramped table.
If you're at a restaurant...well, just be aware of how much room you're taking, and that your baby-cover isn't falling onto your neighbor's lasagna. ;-) While it's perfectly acceptable for you to feed your baby, it is still NOT okay to demand everyone around you be MORE uncomfortable for your sake. You'll end up with a lot of lost friends that way...
I can't say how I'd feel about it for myself as I was unable to nurse DS. I hope I wuld be comfortable doing it. As for others they should nurse in public however they and their baby are most comfortable whether that be with a cover or without. BF'ing is not something that should *have* to be hidden away is a bathroom or under a coover unless that's what baby and mama are most comfortable with!
ReplyDeleteAlso, I think many people are misinformed and misunderstand how discreetly nursing in public without a cover really is. Many people aren't even aware of it going on right next to them.
ReplyDelete