Want/Need

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. -Psalm 23 (NIV)

A few months ago at mom's group, we were doing a craft. The daughter of one of our friends was painting something to hang up in her room, and wanted her mom to write "her verse" on the paper. As it turns out, her verse was a version of Psalm 23: 

The LORD is my shepherd, I have everything I need. -Psalm 23 (similar to The Message translation)

This sweet girl's version of Psalm 23 has really been on my mind ever since. For me, it brought a whole new spin on things--because traditionally, I always heard Psalm 23 and thought of being "in want" as dealing with the big, extravagant things--boats, Hawaiian vacations, shopping sprees. This child's version of Psalm 23 has caused me to look at the verse through a lens of Need versus Want.

I struggle often with being in want, especially now that I am a stay at home mom. Because the honest truth is that money is tight, every month. We've dipped into our savings more often than we should have, sometimes out of necessity, and {honestly}sometimes because it's been hard for us to transition from two incomes (and thus more discretionary income) to one. I think sometimes we wanted to continue living virtually care-free about our spending. But the bottom line is that we just simply can't be as carefree with money as we once were.

It's hard because I want clothes that fit and feel flattering. I want lasagna for dinner instead of the chicken salad we have ingredients for. I want to be able to meet a friend for lunch and coffee before she goes away to medical school. I want to be able to go and visit my parents or Justin's parents as often as we want to, even if that means driving there two or three times in a week. I want to be able to occasionally buy Lizzy a cute outfit when I see it. I want to be able to put more money in savings. Heck, I have a whole tag on this blog called "I want." Justin has his own set of "I wants" as well--not extravagant "I wants", but just little things. 

Sometimes, these things that I want to do or have feel like needs. But really, they're not. I may feel like "Oh, I need to go grocery shopping, I have no food in the house." I may not have the groceries that I want, but my cupboards are not actually bare.We have food. It may not be a meal that I would typically put together--it may be a mish-mash of things, but we have food.When I think about it long and hard, I can't really think of anything that we need but do not have--we have a home, we have food, we have transportation, we have each other.

As I've said before, sometimes it is HARD to be in this place. I feel like I deserve to have these things that I want. They are small things after all. Sometimes I find myself looking up jobs on Craigslist, thinking how much easier it would be if we were back to two incomes {And yet, I do know that the grass is always greener. The additional money would come with sacrifice as well--either hardly seeing Lizzy or hardly seeing Justin}.

On the other hand, I know with every fiber of my being that it's God's plan for me to be a stay-at-home-mom right now. Justin and I have prayed about it long and often. I know it, I feel it, and I'm at peace with it. I have faith that our NEEDS will be provided for during this time, I just have to reconcile with the fact that our WANTS may not be. Honestly, this is probably a good lesson for me, even if it isn't always a particularly fun one.

This next month in particular, I really would to spend time thinking about where every single penny of our money is going--not that some of our money won't be spent on wants rather than needs, but I have a feeling that if we really continue to remember that we do have everything we NEED, we'll find a lot more discretionary income than we thought we had.

That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life--whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn't life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for you heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life?

And why do you worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don't work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for the wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith? -Matthew 6: 25-30