Lately, people have been asking us when we're planning on having kids. We both know that we want them, and a BIG part of me wants to say to heck with it all and start trying now. We've both been praying about it, but to be honest, I'm not sure that I'm feeling led either way.
When I'm faced with a big decision, I DO pray about them, but sometimes I struggle with knowing where to go from there. I don't often feel like I "hear" what God is calling me to do, which is frustrating to me. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the only Christian that doesn't often hear God speaking to them. Sometimes it feels like it.
But then again, as a friend once pointed out to me, God isn't going to buy a billboard that says "MEREDITH, take this job and not that one" or "MEREDITH--now is the time to start having kids!". But in a lot of ways, that's what I want. People have told me that ideas that pop into our heads out of nowhere is actually God speaking to us. Or it's just that "gut feeling" we have and can't necessarily explain.
But what about when the things that I want and the things that God wants are different? Could I really be sure that my "gut feeling" is what God wants and not simply what I want? Could I trust myself to listen to my gut and not find ways to push it aside? It would be so much easier to have a big, clear billboard!
Hmmm...my take on this one is that God created your gut right? And if it comes to something as glorious as making little Mere\Justins and not doing something sinful, then I think you are allowed to follow whatever combination of your gut and your logic that you and Justin deem best.
ReplyDeleteBut then again, you know as well as anyone that I don't believe in God so maybe I don't have a say here.
If only God would give us a big flashing arrow that pointed us in the "right" direction. I completely understand what you mean and you are most definitely not alone!
ReplyDeleteAs one of your other nontheist friends, I'm a go ahead and ditto what Lisa said. I think, if you think God has a plan for you and such, then what you feel is right is what is right by that plan, capiche? S/he made you to feel such feelings, so they can't be wrong.
ReplyDeleteRight?
(Not that I don't understand the deep-seated anxiety that--despite that what you're doing must be as God wishes because God wishes it and because you strive to do good in the world, which, it would follow, is to God's glory and not to God's detriment--that I AM FUCKING UP HARD, because I think we all feel that. So. If there is more than one path to God then there is more than one path to walk according to his/her plan. Else we wouldn't have free will. All will come in time.)
ReplyDelete(Also, for some reason my previous comment now reads to me as condescending, and I didn't mean it that way. So, sorry.)