Thinking

The last five times I've gotten in the car, the same song has been playing on the radio. Each time, it's at virtually the same spot in the song. It's Sanctus Real's song "Whatever You're Doing". I've posted about it here before, and I believe I even posted the video. Anyway, the portion that keeps being on the radio goes:

Am I doing everything to follow Your will

Or just climbing aimlessly over these hills

So show me what it is You want from me

I give everything I surrender...

After hearing THAT verse for the fifth time today, I can't help but wonder if I'm really doing all that I'm supposed to be doing in life. So, I've taken some time this afternoon to think about other things that seem to be recurring in my life lately. And the first thing that popped to mind is blogs like Angie Smith's blog. I love to randomly click on links in people's blog roll, and by far the majority of the ones I've clicked on have been women in similar situations to Angie's. The other thing that seems to keep popping up in my life is the Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep foundation.

I'll be honest, this hasn't been easy for me lately, because being in the situation that these women find themselves in is honestly one of my biggest fears, and probably one of the reasons that I'm always so afraid of being pregnant. As irrational as it is, I keep thinking that no one in my generation has had any devestating pregnancy experiences, so obviously, I must be the one that it's going to happen to. I KNOW it's irrational. But I just can't shake it.

Anyway, I've also been thinking about photography a lot lately, and how once I get a real DSLR camera, I might like to pursue that part-time as well. As I mentioned before, I've also been seeing a lot of the NILMDTS foundation. At first, I found the idea of infant bereavement photography really odd and strange, but more and more I'm feeling like maybe that's something I need to look into. So I looked up which local photographers are involved, and there are only two that are involved...and frankly, they aren't very good.

More and more, as I think and pray about it, I'm feeling like this might be the direction I need to go. But I'm just not sure how to make it work at this point. It isn't like DSLR cameras just drop out of the sky.