Wednesday, February 18, 2009

By Your Side

So there's this song by Tenth Avenue North called "By Your Side" that has sort of become my anthem this week, so I guess we could call it a belated Sunday song. Part of the song goes, "I'll be by your side, wherever you fall. In the dead of night, whenever you call. Please don't fight these hands that are holding you." Let's just say that I've been doing a lot of late night calling lately, and this song brings a brief moment of comfort. Here's the You Tube video:

I talked to J. There's pretty much no way that he'll be flying back on Friday. They're thinking that he may be driving back on Sunday morning if we're REALLY lucky, but more realistically, Monday. I have to say, hearing that was like a punch in the gut. I really had my hopes up that he'd be back on Friday--there are just a ton of things that we're supposed to be doing this weekend and that he'll now be missing: our niece's birthday party, my dad's birthday, my aunt and uncle coming to visit us and see the new house, he's supposed to be leading two worship services on Sunday, and he'll most likely be missing band practices on Monday. And that's just the external things...forgetting the fact that I NEED to have him here. For some reason, my mind equates him being gone for work this week with him being gone forever. Somehow, my mind has me convinced that he's going to get into a car crash, or airplane crash, or construction accident, and I won't ever see him again. I know that's a pretty irrational thought, but in my mind right now, it's a very real thought. I know that there's absolutely nothing I can do about it, but right now, it's completely consuming. And I'm having a hard time coping. To be honest, I'm kind of a basket case. If there weren't so many things going on this weekend, I would probably drive up to see him. It would be totally worth it, even if I only saw him for a couple of hours at night. Honestly, I won't relax at all until I see him.

I'll tell you this much--if he does come back Monday, I'm taking Tuesday off work, and we're locking ourselves in the house all day long.


  1. I love, love, love that song!

    I'm sorry about your J being gone and that he won't be home until later than expected. I know how much it sucks. I'll be praying for you!

  2. I did not recognize the song by the title, but this is my husbands' new favorite song. they play it ALL the time on our two christian radio stations. For awhile, Chris would bet me that we would hear the song on one of the stations during any trip in the car (even short 5 minute ones) and he was usually right. Love the song. I hope you can calm down- it sucks.

  3. I love that song, but it has special meaning to me because it's Tony's favorite song.

    I'm so sorry my dear about J, just because other's are apart longer does not detract from the level of your need to see him at all. I completely understand.

  4. Great song. But an idea: listening to a song that calms you, but actually makes you think of J can be making things worse possibly? Whenever I am stressin I have to get creative and distract myself. Take some pictures, outside preferably. Even if it is really cold. Do a project. Vow to finish a scarf to send to me before he gets home, AND watch an entire series of one of your favorite shows. Make an awesome recipe book for yourself, with a decoupaged cover. Write letters to old friends (Sara for example!), or call them to catch up! Make a present for Caro! Anything anything anything that uses your numerous creative skills that can distract you even for the littlest bit. ;) Hope you can deal for just a few more days!!


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