Accident.

I was not kidding you guys about feeling like I'm loosing my mind. I really am, and it actually kind of terrifies me. You all KNOW I'm a hypochondriac of the worst kind, so it won't surprise you to learn that in Marie Claire or Glamour a few months ago, there was this story about this woman who had Mad Cow Disease. They didn't catch it because she had been a vegetarian for like 20 years. Anyway, she slowly started to lose her mind--it started with not remembering people and appointments. She was diagnosed with schizophrenia, early onset Alzheimer's, etc. Later, right before she died, they tested her for Mad Cow Disease, and it was positive. The article mentioned that a very high percentage of people who were diagnosed with Alzheimer's test positive for Mad Cow Disease postmortem.

I have ALWAYS been terrified of losing my mind. Growing up, I watched my grandmother battle Alzheimer's, and it was the most awful, tragic, heart-wrenching thing I've ever seen. And as a selfish young person, I decided that I just couldn't visit her anymore, because I didn't want to remember her like that. But one day, she asked for me by name. She couldn't remember my mom, my aunt, or anyone else, but she asked why I hadn't come to see her lately, and point blank mentioned the last time I've been there. I don't think I've ever completely gotten over that guilt. Alzheimer's was terrible for both me and my mom. To this day, she tells me (quite seriously), that if she ever gets Alzheimer's, to just take her out to the woods and leave her there. So. I think we're all caught up. Terrified of loosing my mind, and currently feeling like I am, which was compounded this morning.

This morning I got up early to go to Safeway to pick up stuff to make Crack Dip for our work potluck. I'm in the store when I hear, "Will the owner of the Blue Kia please come to the front counter?" over the intercom. Shit. I run up to the front, and there's a lady standing there who starts screaming at me and pointing at some other lady saying, "You hit her car!" I already knew exactly what had happened because, unfortunately, this is not the first time this has happened to me. Non-screaming lady and I walk out to the parking lot (I almost took my full cart along with me...thank goodness I didn't!), and sure enough, I hadn't pulled the e-brake on my car which is now a STICK, and the car had rolled forward into another car. No damage was done, but I insisted that she take my info anyway, since it was early and kinda dark still.

I went back inside, paid for my crap, went out to the car and just started crying. I called Justin and started with, "Please don't me mad at me...I did something really dumb." And then started crying again. Justin was a doll--he wasn't mad at all. He said that this is exactly why we have insurance, and that he's not mad, just sorry I'm having a bad morning. Even though he wasn't mad, I was still mad at myself. 'Cause I've been having a LOT of these moments lately, and not only does it make me mad, I really do get paranoid that I'm losing my mind.