Smoke on the Water

Okay, so most of you that actually know Justin and I know that Justin chews. And you also know how much I absolutely HATE that he chews. I hate it more than anything in the world. And honestly, I've always felt a little bit lied to about the chewing, because he didn't really do it around me when we were dating or engaged...so I just didn't realize how MUCH he did it when I wasn't around--which is all the time. Now that we're married, he does it all the time whether or not I'm around. Seriously, I never even try to kiss the guy anymore because any time I do, it's "Sorry babe, I have a dip in." Yeah. Makes a girl feel REAL important. And he wonders why I don't initiate sex--I'll tell you why--because every time I do, I lose out to the effing chew. I've had countless conversations with him about this, and actually asked him not to chew in the new house--to go outside to the garage or whatever to chew. I really don't know whether or not he's been obliging that rule. And it's a lose-lose situation, because if he doesn't chew, he's a mean jerk. I know that it's just withdrawls, but it sucks to have that mean-ness focused on you.

So, now we've established my hatred for all things tobacco. Last night Justin was making us grilled cheese in our little tiny kitchen, when the following ensued:

Me [joking]: Babe, you smell like an ashtray, what have you been doing, smoking?
---silence---
Me [so not joking]: Oh my God...you HAVE been smoking, haven't you?!
Justin: Well, I did finish off that pack [WHAT pack?!?!] and have a few sympathy smokes with Chris. I was gonna lie about it, but I thought that I probably shouldn't and that will get me in even more trouble.
Me: How long?
J: Not very long.
Me: I'm pissed.
J: I know.

I don't think we spoke to each other again that night. We weren't being mean exactly--we sat on the couch together and watched Bones, but we didn't speak. I apparently yelled at him after I fell asleep, but I don't remember that. I chewed him out again today on the phone, but it's probably a lost cause because nothing will change. His whole family chews or smokes, as does everyone he works with. As does practically every male in this stupid farm town. His grandmother DIED from emphysema, and he still doesn't give a shit.

The thing that really sucks about it is that to me, he's choosing this vice over our lives together. To me, his choice to chew and smoke means that tobacco is more important to him than seeing our future kids get married. It's more important than me, or than our life together. And that sucks.

This whole situation makes me want to go tanning--but I suppose that would be hypocritical of me.